Be My Person
by Only-Freakin-Sunflowers
Summary: Lexie's about to embark on the worst journey of her life. Mark doesn't know what he can do to make it better, but he knows he can be her person. (It's basically Izzie in s5 but Lexie instead and no weird ghost Denny. It's just really angsty.)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N~ This is my first time ever using and I have no idea what I'm doing! Usually I post my fics on tumblr (I'm only-freakin-sunflowers there too).**

 **Type: Series** **Ship: Slexie** **Canon: 8x08** **"** _Don't walk_ _behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend_." -Albert Camus Part One

So, Mark stared at her. Sort of a lot. So what?

It was the reason he noticed the mole on her hand, so that was a good thing. He didn't quite know how to tell her, though. Like, _hey I've casually observing this slow-growing mole on your hand and you should pay some attention to it_ , that didn't feel right. She'd probably noticed it anyways. So, everything was okay.

And then a week passes. And it gets a little bigger. And she's really gotta be clueless not to notice it now. _Screw chill_ , he decides. "Hey, Lexie," he starts.

"What?" she asks, Mark's statement pulling her from her concentration. Conveniently, she reaches up to tuck her hair behind her ear.

Mark takes that as a perfect conversation starter. "You, uh, I… I noticed that mole you've got, on your hand. That hasn't always been there, has it?"

Lexie shrugs. "No, it hasn't."

Mark shrugs back. "I just mean, maybe, you should, go down to Derm and get it checked out, maybe?"

"Are you saying there's something wrong?" Lexie asks, getting a little worried.

"No, no," Mark says hurriedly, calming her down. "I just, I don't know, you know? Better safe than sorry."

Lexie nods. "I guess," she answers quietly. "You know how to do a mole biopsy, don't you?" she asks, hinting ever so slightly.

"I haven't done in a while, but yes, I do," Mark nods, catching onto her hinting. "You want me to biopsy it?"

Lexie flashes that grin, that one she used to flash him when she wanted something, like her feet rubbed, or him to get a snack when they'd watch TV together. Mark was ever familiar with her wanting grin.

"I can't right now," he laughs. "When's your shift over, I'll meet you then?"

"Same time as usual," she answers with a relieved sigh. "Thanks, Mark."

—–

"When's the last time you did one of these?" Lexie asks, as Mark pulls out the equipment for a punch biopsy.

"I was a resident," Mark admits. "But never fear, I know what I'm doing, it isn't that hard. I mean, you could probably do it yourself, if you felt inclined to do so."

"Why would I do that?" Lexie laughs. She's glad that Mark's trying to take her nerves off of this. It had been really getting to her.

She knew what melanoma was, she knew what it looked like. So it shouldn't have taken Mark bringing it up for her to asses the possibility that that was, indeed, a melanoma growing in the space just under her left thumb. It was pretty big, bigger than a pencil eraser, and it was asymmetrical. It was sort of funny colored, not your typical one shade of brown. And it had been growing, it started out as almost nothing, and now it was this big, scary thing. This big, scary thing that could be cancer, which was, absolutely, a much bigger and much scarier thing. To think that this big, scary thing could very well be barreling towards her at full speed and she hadn't even realized it…. it wasn't a good feeling. It was something to be scared of. But, she was really glad Mark was here to help, for now.

"I'm gonna inject you with local," he tells her. "Probably for the better, you don't want to feel me essentially hole-punching your hand, now do you?"

"That's kinda gross when you put it that way," she admits to him.

He laughs a little. "Yeah, I guess it is."

"I should probably look away, shouldn't I?" Lexie notes, not looking away just yet though.

"I mean, as previously mentioned, I'm essentially hole-punching your hand," Mark repeats, "Personally, I'd look away. I would look away right now if I could, but, you don't want that."

"I would prefer you didn't, thanks," Lexie smiles.

Mark nods, "Okay, look away now," he says, cringing just a little.

"That is disgusting," he mumbles, once it's through and he's putting a stitch in the hole he just created. "But hey, no more mole."

"Yeah," Lexie nods, running her finger over the stitch. "When I do find out? If it's bad?"

"A couple days," Mark nods, putting a bandage on her hand. "They'll tell you either way, if it's bad or it's nothing. Well, they'll tell me first, because, I'm your doctor in this case."

"Okay," Lexie nods. "So, you'll come find me in a couple days?"

"Yeah, I guess so," Mark smiles. "Hey, Lex?" he adds, just as she's walking out of the procedure room.

"Yeah?" she asks, turning back around to face him.

"Don't be scared," he tells her, with a small, friendly smile. "That's one of the friendliest-looking moles I've ever seen, it's gotta be nothing."

Lexie smiles nervously, blushing ever so slightly. "Thanks, Mark. You're a good friend."

God, he wished they were more than friends again. He missed her so much. And now that she was back on the market after breaking up with Jackson, it made his feelings all the more present. He was with Julia, though, and he loved her. So, friends were all they would be. They could do that, they could be just friends. Other people managed just fine. And, worst case scenario, this mole turned out to be less than innocent and wrecked havoc on Lexie's health, she was gonna need a friend. He could be that friend.

He would be that friend.


	2. Chapter 2

_Part Two_

"Hey, Dr. Sloan," one of the lab specialists calls out to him in the hall. "I've got the results for the tests you ordered, for your Jane Doe patient."

"Right, thanks," Mark nods, taking the folder from him. Those were Lexie's test results, the ones that would determine if she had skin cancer.

He pulls off to the side of the hall and flips open the folder. He thought ripping off the bandaid right here in the hallway would make things less difficult. Turns out, it didn't matter where he was– finding out that Lexie had cancer hurt.

He always knew things before his patients did, and until now, he'd never really found that weird. But now, he did. This was a big deal, and a very personal one as well. And he knew before she did. This was her cancer, her aggressive cancer, and yet she didn't know yet. How was he supposed to tell her? That'd always be between them, leaving a permanent mark on their friendship; he was gonna be the one to give her some of the worst news of her life. He didn't want that responsibility, he didn't want that burden.

"Hey, hey intern," he calls, and watches amusedly as three or four light-blue-scrubbed little ducks turn their heads to him, a little scared.

"Which one?" a brave, tall one asks, looking between him and his friends.

"I don't really care, but one of you come into my office with me, I've got a special task for you," Mark smirks. Oh, they're clueless. They think they're getting a good task.

Mark shuts the door behind them. "Alright, so you know Dr. Grey, right?"

"W-which one?" the intern stutters.

"Lexie, fourth year resident, the less scary one, depending on your viewpoint," Mark confirms. He pushes the folder towards his intern. "She asked me to run some tests for her the other day. These are her results. You are going to give them to her."

"What are they?" the intern asks, staring at the folder like it's gonna explode or something.

"Why don't you open the file and find out?" Mark mumbles, again nudging the file towards him.

The intern carefully opens the file, again as if it'll explode, and reads through it, moving his lips as he reads but not reading aloud. Mark dislikes him, he dislikes all interns. "Wait, Dr. Sloan," the intern stutters, coming to the end. "Dr. Grey's got melanoma?"

"Is that what the tests say?" he sighs.

The intern nods. "Yeah," he confirms. "We'll need to run more tests to diagnose staging and such, but… Yeah, she's got cancer."

Mark nods. "And you've gotta tell her that," he says. "It isn't fun, but someone needs to. Be compassionate, but firm. Tell her that she's got lots of options, and lots of available support. Tell her what you told me, that we'll need to run more tests to diagnose staging… what are those tests?"

"Uh, a detailed MRI and PET," the intern answers, tapping his pencil against the file triumphantly.

"That is correct, what is one thing in particular we're looking for?" Mark asks. Occasionally, he liked testing these little ducklings' knowledge. This one was actually quite smart.

"Brain metastases," the intern announces.

"Correct again," Mark nods. "Unfortunately, we are looking for brain mets. There's a symptoms checklist in there, use it, it's there for a reason."

The intern nods, and then sighs. "I can't believe she's got cancer, that's horrible," he mutters.

Mark nods. "Yeah, I know."

"Dr. Grey?"

"Lexie turns around. "Oh, hi. Michaelson, right?" she smiles.

"Call me Matt," he argues, with a slight laugh to ease the mood. "Dr. Sloan sent me, I've got your biopsy results?"

"O-Oh," she stumbles. She's not sure she's ready for those. "Y-yeah, let's go to a conference room?"

The intern sighs. "Dr. Grey," he starts, probably making a mistake, "I've been working here for 5 months now…"

She nods, not seeing the point quite yet. "Yeah, since July."

"Yeah," Matt nods. "I just mean, I haven't had a whole lot of experience giving news to people…"

Lexie knows what he's implying, and all the sudden it feels like the world around her is spinning. The mole was not as friendly as it looked, it was certainly not as friendly as it looked. It was bad. "Matt, you have to say it," she says quietly. "When you're delivering news, you actually have to say it, so that it becomes reality."

Matt nods. "Okay. The results of your biopsy indicate that the mole that Dr. Sloan removed from your hand was cancerous. It was a melanoma. And we have to do some more tests, namely an MRI and possibly a PET scan as well, to check for metastases throughout your body."

Well, his words did make it sink in. She had cancer. And Mark, given that he was her doctor here, knew before her, and didn't have the balls to tell her, so he sent a dim lackey to do it for him. So typically Mark.

"Thank you for telling me," she nods abruptly, getting up from the table and headed for the door. "Is that all, does it get worse?"

"N-no, that's all," Matt nods. "You can stop by radiology to make the scan appointments, or I guess Mark could do it for you. You know the way it works."

Lexie nods. "Yeah, all too well."

Matt stands in awkward silence for a minute. "Um, Dr. Grey?" he asks, as she's about to leave. "I-I'm so sorry."

Lexie nods, holding it together just barely. "Thank you, Dr. Michaelson."

Mark was still sitting in his office when Lexie stormed in, less than three minutes after her conference with Dr. Michaelson.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she demands.

Mark doesn't know what to say. "I-I did...?" he stumbles feebly.

"Dr. Michaelson, an intern, did," Lexie roars. "Why didn't _you_ tell me?"

Again, Mark doesn't know what to say. "You're a coward," Lexie continues, on a small warpath.

"I'm scared," Mark argues, somewhat off topic.

"You're scared?" Lexie questions, laughing sarcastically. " _You're_ scared? _I'm_ scared, Mark, I have _cancer_ … and you sent an intern with the worst bedside manner ever to tell me."

Mark takes the opportunity for the subject change and cringes. "Did he really have bad bedside manner?"

"Yes," Lexie huffs. "He had horrible bedside manner, it made me want to hit him."

"You wouldn't have hit him though," Mark states, he knows Lexie wouldn't.

"That's not the point!" Lexie argues. "The point is that he wasn't you!"

Mark breathes deeply. "Lex, I'm sorry…"

"I needed you!" she says lowly, her voice cracking around the edges. "I still need you."

"And I promise, I'm gonna be here for you in all the times to come," he says, wrapping her in a hug the way they both felt so comfortable with, and comforted by. "If you want me to be, that is."

"Of course I want you to be," Lexie mumbles, with a small smile, shutting her eyes tight.

"Then I'm here," he says. "You're not gettin' rid of me, What's the thing your sister says, her and Cristina? Your person! I'm gonna be your person."

"You're gonna be my person?" Lexie laughs softly. She's touched inside, really, the offer means a lot to her.

"Yeah, I'll be your person," Mark repeats. He had a feeling she was really going to be needing one of those...


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N~ I'm one hundred percent procrastinating from doing my social justice project and everything else I need to do right now :) A little bit about me, by the way, from those who don't me from tumblr! My name is Belle, I'm 17 and in 12th grade right now. Next year I'll be a social work major in university! I've been writing since I was ten years old, but this far writing grey's anatomy fics (I've written for...yikes... 4 or 5 different ships on Greys as well as slexie) has been the most fun and the best fandom I've ever found! Anyways, enjoy or something!**

 _Part Three_

"MRI's backed up, as usual," Mark groans, plopping back into his uncomfortable waiting room seat beside Lexie. "We could be here a while. We could probably go somewhere else, if you prefer. My office, an on-call room…"

"You're hopeless," Lexie smiles, shaking her head.

"I'd say hopeful, actually," Mark smirks. He loves seeing her smile. He's taken that to heart, as one of his person duties; making her smile. "They'll page us when it's time, we can go wherever you want to. C'mon, let's go to cafeteria, we'll get food."

"You know the way to my heart," Lexie grins, following him to the cafeteria.

"You're allowed to eat before this, right?" Mark warns, before handing Lexie her cheeseburger.

"Yes, Mark," she says, snatching her burger from him.

"Just making sure," he says, shaking his head. "Alright, I'm gonna prep you. Save you time. Firstly, give me your ID badge. I'll keep it for you."

"It's on my lab coat, I don't have it," she says. "I don't have any jewelry on, I'm not wearing mascara, I don't have any bobby pins in my hair, I'm wearing a sports bra; Mark, I'm gonna be a neurosurgeon, I know how to prep for an MRI."

"You're too smart for me," he smirks. "You know what's going on better than I do."

She nods. "I know the symptom list too, so you don't need to bother asking me. I've got frequent headaches, slightly blurred vision, dizziness spells when I wake up in the morning, unusual drowsiness, and slight equilibrium imbalances."

Mark groans, matching her symptoms with the standard checklist in his mind. She's got a good deal of checked boxes.

Lexie nods, seeing his discomfort. "I know, it doesn't look good for me," she mumbles. "I know."

"Don't assume the worst," Mark tries, not sounding very convincing.

"I'm not, I'm just assessing the evidence and using my professional judgment to state what seems obvious," she sighs. "Again, I'm too smart for you."

"You are indeed too smart for me," Mark starts, "But right now, you're being incredibly narrow-minded and stupid."

"Oh, I'm being narrow-minded and stupid? You're refusing to accept that I may have multiple brain tumours!"

Mark groans. He doesn't want to fight with her. She might have brain tumours. He can't fight with a girl with brain tumours. Even if she might not actually have them.

They eat their burgers in silence, and Lexie eats onion rings and a cookie too, and then Mark's pager goes off. "It's time," he says.

They walk in silence up to radiology. "Wait," Lexie asks, before she goes into the scan room. "Can you come with me?"

Mark stumbles for a minute, and then hesitantly nods. "I guess I can," he says. "But you can't talk to me or anything, you gotta stay still."

"I know," she nods, "but just knowing you're there… it'll help."

Mark nods. "Okay. You scared?"

"Of the MRI?" Lexie asks, her voice wavering and taking on a tone of vulnerability. "No," she reveals. "I'm scared of what it's gonna tell us."

Mark takes her hands into his, sending a shock of electricity through her. "Whatever it tells us, brain mets or no brain mets, you're gonna be okay, okay?"

Lexie nods in response, unsurely. "Let's do this," she says, taking a deep breath and stepping into the scan room.

"Hey, Derek," Mark starts, sliding into the cafeteria chair beside his best friend.

"Hello," Derek nods, wondering why Mark was being so uncharacteristically friendly.

"Have you had Lexie on your service the past two days?

There it was. He was snooping in on his ex-girlfriend. Derek shakes his head and answers the question, "Yes, I have. We've been in the OR almost constantly. She's really shaping up to be great."

"Yeah, she is great," Mark laughs. "Has she seemed… off, at all… to you?"

Derek shrugs. "A little quieter than usual, but not by much. I just thought she ran out of things to babble about…"

Mark laugh uneasily. He wishes he felt comfortable telling Derek what was going on, but he couldn't. It was his news to share.

"Why?" Derek asks after a moment. "Oh, Mark, what did you two do?"

"Nothing, nothing, we did nothing," Mark argues. And it's the truth for once. His pager interrupts his thoughts. It's Lexie. "It's been a nice discussion," he says, getting up. "Gotta run."

Derek drinks his soda and shoots his friend a questionable look as he walks away.

"Lex, is something wrong?" Mark asks. She'd paged him to an on-call room, and though he didn't know what she wants, he did know what she didn't want.

"I got paged," she says. "My MRI results are in."

Mark's heart drops. It's the moment of truth. "Already?" he asks. "I thought it'd be more than 2 days."

"They don't mess around with head MRIs," Lexie argues. "You'll come with me to get them, right?"

"Of course," Mark says. "Let me go push my dermabrasion procedure back, and I'll come with you. Do you have anything this afternoon?"

"Not till 5," Lexie answers.

Mark nods. "Depending on the results, you might want to tell Derek to find another resident for that…"

"It'll be fine," Lexie replies shortly. "I'll be fine. It's just a craniotomy, I can handle it."

"You can tell Derek, you know," Mark suggests lightly.

"I suppose I'm gonna have to at some point," Lexie sighs. "That time isn't now."

"It could be now," Mark shrugs. "I'll go reschedule my dermabrasion, you go drop the bomb on your brother-in-law, you know, no big deal…"

"That's not funny, or plausible," Lexie argues.

"Well, we can't stall forever," Mark treads carefully. "Are we going to radiology?"

"No, we're going to oncology," Lexie says, her voice shaking a little. "Which, in itself, should say something."


	4. Chapter 4

**Part 4**

That night was one of the roughest nights of Mark's life. The thing was, he was sure there'd be much rougher storms ahead.

Julia called him to see why he didn't come home. He lied and said he'd finished late and had to start early, because that sounded better than saying that he'd spent the night holding his ex-girlfriend while she cried because she was scared, because she'd diagnosed with stage IV metastatic melanoma that had spread to her brain. A lot of things sounded better than that. But that's what his night had been.

Now, she was asleep, and she looked so peaceful. He hadn't slept a wink, and he didn't think he would. He couldn't work today, either, and neither could Lexie, no matter what she argued.

"Chief Hunt," Mark nods, approaching Owen cautiously.

"Dr. Sloan," Owen responds, a little questionably, glancing at the clock, which reads 4:45 AM. "A little early, no?"

"You're here," Mark argues.

"There was a massive trauma, I may be the Chief, but I'm also the Head of Trauma, and on call," Owen mutters. "Why are you here? Someone need a boob job at 3 AM?"

"Uh, no," Mark answers. He wishes it were that simple. "I came to say that I will not be in today and neither will Lexie Grey."

Owen gives him a questionable stare. "For one, you can't just do that, you've got surgeries today. And Grey's on a service and has a duty to her attending and their patients today. So, that's one concern."

"Lexie Grey is on my service today, and therefore I give her the day off, because I will be pushing all my scheduled surgeries until tomorrow. Issue resolved, just came to tell you."

Owen sighs, knowing Sloan's made up his mind and there's not much he can do. "What are you and Grey going to do today, Sloan? Do I even want to know?"

Mark sighs. "It's not like that, Hunt, I promise. I wish it were."

Owen nods. Something tells him to drop it, and he does. "Well, good luck, or something," he says, before walking away. "Give Grey my best."

When Mark tiptoes back into the dark on-call room, Lexie's sitting up in bed, crying again. "I thought you left me," she whimpers.

"I'm not leaving you," he tells her, gently sitting down again and wrapping an arm over her shoulders. "I just went to tell Owen that neither of us are going to be working today. I'm not arguing with you, you're not working today."

"I don't want to work today," Lexie whispers.

Mark nods, "I expected that much. We've got that meeting with the oncologist in a couple hours, and then we'll get out here."

Lexie nods. "Thanks for doing this with me. I'm sorry that you're the one I'm turning to, I mean you've got a life and a job and a girlfriend…"

"Don't worry about it," Mark argues. "But, you're gonna need more than just me, Lex. It takes a village, I'm just one person. Tell Meredith, and Derek, and the people that care about you. Molly, your dad…"

"I especially can't tell my dad," Lexie says, with a nervous laugh. "How do I call up my dad and tell him I have brain cancer and that there's an 85% chance I'm going to die? I can't do that!" She pauses for a moment and then her composure crumbles all over again. "I can't do that," she repeats, crying again.

"It's okay," Mark tells her, trying to soothe her. "It's okay."

"It's not okay!" Lexie screams. "It's not okay," she repeats quietly.

"Maybe it isn't okay right this moment," Mark admits, nodding. "But it will be. I promise."

The oncologist is intimidating. She's got that school principal look, or maybe a librarian, Lexie decides.

"Cases like yours are rare and individualistic," she notes. "They're also specifically needy."

Mark nods. "What's that mean?"

"You're a surgeon, Dr. Sloan, you know what it means when a case is rare, individualistic, and needy," she says, almost scolding him.

"I mean specifically," he says. She's on his last nerve. He hates people.

"It means I've gotta get a team together to closer assess Dr. Grey's case. Quite typically, the route will be chemotherapy leading to surgical removal, if Dr. Shepherd feels that he can without jeopardizing Dr. Grey's brain function and overall health," she answers, tapping her fingers and staring at the two of them through the glasses perched on the bridge of her nose. "You two know Dr. Shepherd."

"Quite well," Mark nods.

"I've requested a meeting with him, he'll be here shortly, to discuss our options post-chemotherapy, if there are any."

"D-does he know it's me?" Lexie stutters.

"No," she answers, slightly less than amused. "But it won't be long before he figures that out." She gets up to leave. "I'll leave you two meet with Dr. Shepherd in private. I'll be in touch."

They're silent until Derek comes into the room. "Hi, I'm Dr. Shepherd," he starts, walking in. He jumps back a little when he sees the two of them, two of his good friends; his best friend and his little sister-in-law. "H-hi," he nods. "Are we still waiting on our consult? Stave IV melanoma with multiple brain mets?"

Lexie bites her lip and shuts her eyes. "No, that's me," she tells him. "I'm your consult."

Derek takes a deep breath, and immediately he looks at her differently; the way Lexie fears everyone will once they know. "Wow," he says under his breath. "Okay," he nods. "It's okay. We're gonna fix you up. Can I see your scans?"

She nudges him the folder on the desk and he takes a look. "Not gonna lie, Dr. Grey, this isn't going to easy," he says. "There's a lot of mets, you know that. The oncologist suggested chemotherapy?"

Lexie nods. "And then she said you'd operate."

"Lexie," Derek starts, shaking his head, and looking from the scans to her. "I mean, I can try, absolutely, but… we have to see what the chemo does. Hopefully it'll completely exterminate at least some of these, hopefully most of them… I don't know, we're just gonna have to see. I don't want to shoot your hopes down, I'm just being realistic."

"But you're not sure," Mark confirms, almost a little hostile. "If the chemo works, you can operate, and she's gonna get better."

"Her odds are what they are for a reason," Derek states. "But, odds are just numbers, you can't put all your faith in them." He gives his friends a crooked smile and winks. "I'm putting all my faith in Little Grey. She's got this."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N~ Thank you for all the kind response to this so far! ~Belle**

 _Part 5_

"Do you need anything?" Meredith asks, before sitting down beside her sister. "Water? Extra pillow? Blanket? Popsicle?"

"Cancer pops are good, you should have one," Cristina nods, lying on the couch across from Lexie eating a mango popsicle. She remembers doing exactly the same thing a couple years ago with Izzie, like deja vu.

"I don't want a cancer pop," Lexie mumbles. "I'm cold."

Mer puts her hand on her sister's forehead and tosses her a blanket. "Thanks Meredith," she answers, carefully moving her arm that's got her IVs attached to it.

"Hey, no problem," Mer answers, plopping down on the couch beside Cristina. The two of them had offered to go to Lexie's first chemotherapy session with her, as Mark had gotten pulled into some emergency surgery. He felt horrible. They insisted they would be just fine hanging out in Oncology for an hour. As Cristina insisted, she was just doing it for the popsicles. But Mark, Meredith, and just about everyone else knew that deep down, a part of her did care about Lexie like she was her own sick little sister.

"What are you looking at?" Lexie asks Cristina lazily, noticing her gaze fixed on her.

"You're gonna so cute bald," she says, with a smug smile. "Like, a cute little cue ball."

Lexie frowns and twists a strand of her hair around her finger. She hadn't even really thought about losing it until right now. She wasn't looking forward to that at all. She didn't see cue ball as a compliment.

Meredith notices her sister's change in demeanor quickly and gives her friend a one-handed shove. "Cristina, be nice or get out," she scolds, only half joking.

"What, I used to call Izzie cue ball," Cristina mumbles. Meredith just shakes her head in response.

"I need to go check in on a patient, I'll be back," Cristina smirks, getting up and heading for the elevator.

"She didn't mean to be mean," Mer says reassuringly, moving to sit beside Lexie. "She was trying to be funny."

"I know," Lexie nods. "I kinda didn't even realize I was gonna lose my hair until Cristina mentioned it. I mean, I guess I am." She frowns.

"Hey, it's alright," Meredith says, rubbing her free hand. "Cristina was right, you will look cute bald, you'll be beautiful. And I'm down to go commando too if you want me to," Mer laughs, running a hand in her hair.

"Really?" Lexie asks, with a big smile. "You'd do that for me?"

"You're my sister, Lexie," Mer smiles. "I want to help you feel better. I can't fix your cancer but I can do that."

"You're already doing so much," Lexie argues, getting tired now and leaning against her shoulder. "Thank you."

Mer nods, rubbing her shoulder as she drifts off to sleep.

"How'd it go?" Mark asks, coming up to see Lexie when he's done his surgery.

Mer nods, raking her fingers through her sister's hair. "Twenty minutes in, she was out like a light. Things will be worse when she wakes up. Then she's all yours," she jokes.

"I don't mind," Mark obliges. "I feel bad that I wasn't here."

"Don't worry about it," Mer argues. "Cristina and I had it covered. Well, _I_ had it covered, Cristina was just being… Cristina."

"Cristina's got a funny sense of humor sometimes," Mark agrees.

"We were talking side effects," Mer adds.

Mark nods. "Possible personality changes, vomiting, hair loss, changes in appetite, fatigue, mental cloudiness…"

"There's more," Mer warns him. "Seizures are a big one, especially where her mets are. Short-term memory loss is a possibility, difficulty with speech... Things aren't going to pretty."

Mark nods. "I know, I know what's to come, Meredith, and it doesn't matter to me. I'm stickin' it out, I'm not leaving her side."

"Good, you better not," Mer nods, "That's the last thing she needs."

"You're a good sister," Mark says, giving her some satisfaction.

Meredith smiles. "I'm trying. You're a good friend."

Lexie gets transferred to a room for the night, for observation. Mark watches as the sun goes down and night falls, and she's still sleeping. He stares out the window and his phone rings and interrupts his thoughts.

"Hey, sweetie," he answers the call. It's Julia, she must be wondering where the hell he is.

"Hey," she says. "Are you, uh… where are you?"

"I'm at the hospital," he nods. He hasn't told her about Lexie yet. He hasn't figured out how. Lexie hasn't told a lot of people, and it feels weird to tell Julia, who barely knows Lexie at all, something so personal.

"Still?" Julia asks, whining just slightly. "I thought you were out of surgery hours ago."

"I… yeah, I was," Mark says. He doesn't want to lie more than he has to.

"So, then? Come home, Mark, I haven't seen you in days."

"I can't," Mark tells her. "Not yet. It's Lexie… I'm with Lexie."

"You're with Lexie?" Julia repeats. "Your ex-girlfriend that threw a baseball at my boobs, that Lexie? Why?"

"She's going through some stuff right now," Mark tries to explain. "And I want to be here for her. She needs someone."

"That someone doesn't have to be you," Julia argues. "You should want to be _here_ , for _me_. I'm your _girlfriend_ , Mark, and she's your _ex_. Fix your priorities."

Mark hears an apartment door open and then the voice of his best friend. "Okay, hi," Callie says, standing in her doorway eyeing Julia suspiciously. "Can you take it down a notch, I've got a sleeping kid in here?"

"I'm sorry," Julia sighs.

"Mark's at the hospital with Lexie?" Callie asks.

Julia nods. "Let me talk to him," Callie suggests, taking the phone. "Hi Mark," she starts. "How's Lexie?"

"She's sleeping still," Mark sighs. Callie knows, he's told Callie everything.

"Alright, well, you stay there until she wakes up, and you do what you need to, but then you come home to your girlfriend, okay? In the meantime, I am going to invite her into my humble home and I am going to explain her what is going on, alright? Alright, love you, see you soon." And then she hung up.

"Please don't tell me he's having an affair," Julia pleads.

"Oh, no," Callie laughs darkly. "No, it's not an affair."

Lexie remembers hearing one of the oncology nurses tell Izzie Stevens, back when she was in this position, that after chemo she'd wish she were dead. She didn't get what that truly meant until right now.

"I'm sorry I'm bad company," Lexie mumbles to Mark. He's been here since she woke up, and she's been throwing up almost constantly. The room stunk. She was sure she stunk. Everything stunk.

"Hey, don't worry about it," Mark answers.

"Go home," she argues, "Go…" She stops and stares into space.

For a few seconds, as he's facing away from her, Mark doesn't think anything of it. But when he turns around and watches, she knows exactly what's going on.

"Lexie?" he asks, though he knows that she isn't hearing him. She's having an absence seizure.

He tries not to panic and it's really hard, but when it's over, after only about 20 seconds, it's like nothing happened.

"You're still here?" she asks, trying to force a smile. "You can't stay here with me forever, Mark, go home."


	6. Chapter 6

_Part 6_

"Lexie," a voice whispers. "Wake up. Santa came."

Lexie smiles. That was the same voice that she remembered waking her up on Christmas morning every year of her childhood– it was her sister Molly, her little sister.

"Merry Christmas," Molly smiles, taking her sister's hand and pulling her up into a sitting position, then gently but firmly wrapping her in a hug. "How are you?"

"I'm doing better," Lexie says, truthfully. It's been 5 days since her first chemo session, and everyday she's been feeling better. She's still got some of the worst headaches of her life, and man has she ever been tired, but that was it. Other than that, she was okay; and she didn't want her sister to worry. She didn't want anyone to worry.

"Santa didn't come," Molly admits, "but Dad and I made you a stocking and brought some gifts."

"You guys are so sweet, thank you," she smiles, seeing the red sock-shaped sack at the end of the bed, again something she remembered waking up to on Christmases past.

"It's kind of a care package," Molly adds. "Just little things."

Lexie digs through the sock to, indeed, find useful little things– chapstick, tea bags, socks, peppermints, sudoku. "Thank you," she smiles, hugging her sister. "Is Dad here yet?"

"Yeah," Molly nods. "He's downstairs with Meredith and Derek and Zola, he and his granddaughter were getting acquainted. We're waiting for you to open presents."

"There they are," Derek grins, as his sister-in-laws make their way downstairs. "Merry Christmas, ladies."

"Merry Christmas, Derek," Lexie smiles. "Merry Christmas everyone." She goes and hugs her dad first, she hasn't seen him in almost a year, since he had the kidney stone and was at the hospital. That's when she met his girlfriend, who she couldn't help but notice wasn't here. As she takes a seat, she asks Molly in a whisper. "What happened to Dani?"

"They are no longer," Molly says under her breath. "Turns out she really was a skank."

As present-opening time draws to a close, there's a knock on the door. "I'll go get that," Meredith answers, gracefully excusing herself from her family. She moves the curtains on the door back to check who it is, and smiles when she sees Mark on the other side of the door.

"Is it Santa?" Molly calls out jokingly.

"It isn't," Mer answers, "But it is someone for Lexie."

"Ho ho ho?" Mark grins, standing on the front steps with a Santa hat on and a red-wrapped box in his hands.

Meredith smiles. "Hi, Mark. Merry Christmas."

"Hi, Meredith, Merry Christmas," Mark grins.

"You're either looking for my husband or my sister," Mer smirks. "I'm gonna guess Lexie."

"You make it sound like I don't love you," Mark argues, laughing. "Yeah, I was hoping to see Lexie."

"Well, come on in, don't be shy," Mer exclaims, letting out of the cold and into the house.

"Hello, all," Mark grins. "Would you guys mind if I borrowed Lexie for a bit? Take her out for Christmas brunch?"

"No, take her, get her out of our hair," Derek jokes.

Mer nods, shrugging. "Just, uh, be home before dinner?" Thatcher asks. "I don't know the last time I said that," he laughs.

"Why aren't you with your girlfriend?" Lexie asks, as they drive to the diner, going no place fast.

"She got called into the hospital," Mark nods. "And, I had to give you this," he adds, shaking the box resting on the car cupholders.

"Can I open it now?" Lexie asks, smiling.

"Hey, yeah, go for it," he grins, as they stop at a light.

Lexie unwraps the ribbon that was tied around the box and opens the lid to find a cute, white teddy bear in the box.

"It isn't much," Mark smiles, "But… I don't know, it made me think of you."

"No, I love it," Lexie contends, rubbing her fingers on the bear's furry torso. "Thank you."

"How was your date?" Molly asks, a mischievous gleam in her eyes. Lexie recognizes that grin to be the same one she'd get when she'd go on dates in high school, or do anything that might be frowned upon by their parents. (Not that that happened often, Lexie was a dire Daddy's girl and utter rule follower, so the times she disobeyed were few and far between.)

"It wasn't a date, he's got a girlfriend," Lexie argues. She waves the bear in her left hand, "But, I got a teddy bear, Merry Christmas me?"

Molly hesitates for a moment before saying what's on her mind. "So, it was a cancer date?"

"What?" Lexie asks, laughing a little in confusion. "No, it wasn't a date, I just said that, he's…"

"Yeah, yeah, he's got a girlfriend, you mentioned," Molly nods. "Doesn't matter. It was a cancer date. He took you to lunch because… you have cancer." It still felt weird for her to say that, to process that her older sister, the one who'd always checked her monsters under the bed, or was there for her the first time she got her period, or supported her lies to their parents, had cancer, in her brain. Her brain was arguably her favorite part of her sister, because it held who she was. And it had cancer. And today, it scored her sister a cancer date.

"Molly, what?" Lexie asks, again confused, but not laughing anymore. "That's ridiculous."

"No, it's not," Molly replies, her voice level and firm. "He feels the need to be here for you, and take you out for lunch on Christmas, and give you a teddy bear and wish you a _beary_ quick recovery, because..."

"Seriously, _beary_ quick recovery?" Lexie shoots back, choosing to ignore the rest of what her sister said. "He's my friend, Molly, he always has been. Of course he's gonna be here for me now… now that I have cancer. He's my… He's my Mark. He's my person."

Molly nods, ready to walk back into the kitchen and join the rest of the family. "Okay. As long as you're clear on what your relationship and how it's changed since your diagnosis."

"Not everything has to change," Lexie replies, more convincing herself than her sister. "Not everything's going to change because of this."

Molly smiles, a little sadly. "Not everything," she agrees, "But, a lot of things."


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N~ Hi guys! I just wanted to stop in and say I'm having a good day today! WHY DOESN'T FF SAVE MY LINE BREAKS I SWEAR THERE WERE LINE BREAKS IN THIS FIC? ~Belle_

 _Part 7_

"You sure you're okay to go tonight?" Meredith asks, leaning against the bathroom doorframe and watching her sister clean some vomit that didn't quite make it into the toilet.

"I'm fine," Lexie reassures her, rinsing out her mouth. "I'm not missing the New Years party because of a bit of emesis."

"It's not a _bit_ of emesis," Mer argues, shrugging her shoulders. "It's a _lot_ of emesis. But okay, if you think you can handle hors d'oeuvres and champagne and 12 grapes at midnight, then I'm not gonna stop you."

Lexie's face turns pale and she turns back to her friend the toilet. "Just the thought of that makes my stomach churn," she admits.

"Last call," Meredith calls out, just before leaving. "You coming?"

Lexie thunders down the stairs. "Yup," she answers. "How do I look?" she asks once she reaches the bottom.

Meredith smiles. Despite the ghostly pallor, she looked beautiful. You'd never know what was going on inside by just looking at her now. "You're gorgeous," Mer tells her simply.

"I feel a little less than gorgeous, but thank you," Lexie grins.

Mark had invited almost the whole surgical staff to the party, so the apartment was a little crammed, but no one seemed to mind too much. Him and Arizona made lots of food, everyone brought lots of booze, Callie had a surprising amount of New Years decorations– they made it work.

"Hey, nice to see you," Alex says, awkwardly approaching Lexie, two bottles of beer in this hand. "Want one?"

"I can't," Lexie argues, "But, thanks."

"Why? Can't have cancer and have beer at the same time?" he grins jokingly. "You secretly pregnant or something?"

"I am not secretly pregnant," Lexie laughs. "If I gain any weight, it's water retention from the chemo."

Alex isn't sure how to approach the topic nicely. He went through almost this exact thing with Izzie, so he can understand what she's going through to an extent. "I'm sorry, by the way, I don't know if I've told you that…"

"For what?" Lexie grins, in good spirit. "It's not your fault I got cancer."

Alex smiles. He likes her attitude. "Well, when you put it like that," he laughs.

Mark approaches with a grin. "Hey, you came," he says to Lexie.

"Yeah, of course," she smiles in response.

"I'll leave you two alone," Karev grins, wandering back over to the food table.

Mark smiles, checking Lexie out a little bit. "You look beautiful, as always," he grins.

"Thank you," Lexie answers, a little flustered. She loved that Mark, and even Karev just now, acted like nothing was different.

Julia watches from her spot on the couch, watches as her boyfriend talks to his ex-girlfriend. She knew Lexie had cancer, and yes, that was horrible, but if one of her exes got cancer, she wouldn't become their best friend. Mark was too nice. While it was a blessing, it was also a curse.

"Don't be jealous," Arizona announces, plopping down beside Julia with a bowl of chips under one arm, and her daughter on her hip.

"I'm not jealous, why would I be jealous?" Julia questions.

"Because, that's your boyfriend, and that's his ex-girlfriend who he's getting cozy with," Arizona says, as if she's reading Julia's mind. "You're leaving out the fact that she has a deadly disease. You can't be jealous of that, she might die."

"I'm still jealous," Julia sighs, getting up from the couch. "Hold my beer," she mumbles, passing Arizona her bottle.

"What is that crazy lady doing," Arizona mumbles to her daughter. "What is she doin', Sof?"

"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?" Julia asks, staring Lexie down.

"I...yeah?" Lexie questions.

"I'll be over there," Mark says, hesitantly, nodding towards Arizona and his daughter.

"I might have made a mistake, leaving them two alone over there," Mark nods, taking his daughter from Arizona.

Arizona nods. "I might have made a mistake letting your girlfriend over there at all," she admits.

"How are you feeling?" Julia starts, almost feigning sympathy.

"I'm alright," Lexie nods. "Tired, but, that's expected."

"That's good," Julia nods, "We need to have a talk. About Mark."

"He's been really great," Lexie tells her. "You've got yourself a really great guy, he's been honestly been so caring and understanding throughout the past couple weeks…"

Julia smile. "See, but that's the thing," she starts. " _I_ 've got myself a really great guy, _I_ do. He's mine, and he's been spending an awful lot of time with you lately. I know that you're going through some things, but that doesn't mean you've gotta drag my boyfriend down with you while you die…"

Lexie isn't even sure where to start tearing into this bitch. This was uncalled for, and out of line. And just rude, really.

"Really?" she laughs, her voice raised and barely hiding the fact that she's sort of offended. "You think I'm trying to steal Mark from you? Who would do that?"

"You threw a baseball at my boobs, I wouldn't put a whole lot of things past you," Julia tries. "Jealousy's a green eyed monster."

Lexie scoffs and shakes her head. "Right back at you," she mutters, walking away.

Everyone heard, and everyone looks to Mark. Mark shakes his head. "There's something I need to do before the year's up," he mutters, disappointed and angry. His girlfriend crossed a line, damn it.

It's ten minutes before midnight, and Mark can't find Lexie. "Have you seen Lex?" he asks, walking up to Derek.

Derek shakes his head. Mark weaves through the groups of his friends, asking around. He avoids the girl that, at the beginning of the night, he called his girlfriend.

He finds her in the bathroom. "You okay?" he asks, stupidly.

She sighs and leans against the wall. "I p-puked, a l-lot."

"You need some water or something?" he asks.

"I just ate a lot," she mumbles, "I'm f-fine."

"Okay," Mark nods. "Want me to leave?"

She shakes her head, and then turns green all over and leans back over the toilet. Mark can hear the countdown starting in the living room. He doesn't mind missing it though.

Lexie sighs and flushes just as they hear everyone yell one. "Happy New Year," Mark smiles.

She smiles, and is massively taken aback at what happens as she turns around, feeling Mark's lips locked with hers all the sudden.

"Might wanna re-think that," she stutters, her face turning red as she pulls away after a moment.

"I don't mind a bit of puke," he argues. "It's New Years."

"I didn't mean the puke…" Lexie replies hesitantly. "You've got a girlfriend, who chewed me up earlier because I've been spending so much time with you."

"One of the many reasons I broke up with her," Mark says, shrugging it off like it's nothing.

"Y-you broke up with her?" Lexie asks. "Why did you do that? You loved her."

Mark shrugs. "Maybe," he says. "I don't think I really did, though. Kinda think I love you more."

Lexie smiles, but inside she's a little unsettled. What Molly said on Christmas day comes back to her. " _As long as you're clear on what your relationship and how it's changed since your diagnosis"._ She was starting to question if her little sister really had been onto something there.

She leans into the toilet and hurls again. She'll think more on that another time.


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N~ Ew I hate being sick so muuuuch. Thank you everybody for the super kind feedback though, I've been reading it while laying in bed feeling sorry for myself so that's always good. Anyways, this chapter would be the one In Which Lexie Starts Losing Her Hair. And it's also ? the halfway point ? Enjoy or something._

 _Part 8_

Lexie sighs and presses her forehead against the toilet seat. She feels like she hasn't left this spot in days.

"I don't get it," she whines to Meredith, "It's been two weeks. Why am I still so nauseous?"

"Chemo's a bitch," Meredith shrugs. "Also," she hesitantly mentions, "You've got dried puke in your hair."

Lexie groans again. "Of course I do."

"C'mon, get up. I'll help you wash it out and then we'll go watch a movie," Mer suggests.

"Mark's been around a lot less this year," Mer mentions, running a wet hairbrush through her sister's stinky hair.

Lexie winces, Mer's not being very gentle, and then shrugs. "He's been working a lot. And, I don't know. I've been thinking about what Molly said on Christmas, that he's only being so friendly with me because I'm sick."

"Molly doesn't know Mark," Meredith argues. "He's got the best of intentions. He'll love you no matter what. By the way, stop flinching, I'm not tugging at all."

"My scalp hurts," Lexie argues. "Everything hurts."

Mer rubs Lex's scalp with her fingertips, and then hesitates for a second. Her sister's hair's coming out in between fingers. "Lexie…" she starts, sighing a little, and offering the shed strands of hair to her sister.

"Oh," Lexie whispers. "It's starting," she adds after a moment, her voice going a few notches higher as she tries not to be too bothered by it. She rubs her scalp herself, and few more semi-thick strands release.

Meredith nods. "Yeah, it is. It'll be a bit before it's all gone though, it'll be slow…"

Lexie nods. "I know."

Meredith continues to work out the puke hesitantly. She can tell Lexie's upset, and she understands. She wishes she knew how to make her feel better, but the best she can do right now is continue working the puke out, and offer to make hot chocolate while they watch their movie later. It isn't much, but she tells herself it's enough. It is enough.

The movie plans fall through when Mer gets called into the hospital. "April will be home soon," Mer tells Lexie. "Get her to watch a movie with you."

Lexie shrugs, "I think I'm gonna nap. We'll watch one tomorrow or something, it's fine."

She did have every intention of napping, and then her phone rang. "Hello?"

"Hey, Lexie," the voice on the other side started.

"Hi Callie," Lexie answers. "What's up?"

"Nothing much, just calling to see how you are," Callie smiles. Beside her, Mark opens his mouth to say something, and she hits his thigh to quiet him.

"I'm okay," Lexie lies. Honestly, this is the worst she's felt in days.

"Mark's here," Callie admits, before he yells out something stupid. "He's been wondering how you are because he says he hasn't seen you since New Years."

"I miss you," he says, leaning into the phone.

"You wanna come over?" she asks. She could use someone right now, if she was being fully honest.

"Yeah, sure," Mark answers. "Want me to bring food?" He was so used to bringing food when he went to see Lexie. "I can pick up soup if you want."

"That sounds great," she admits. Soup was something she had not had an issue eating lately.

"Okay," he answers. "I'll see you soon, then."

Twenty minutes later, Mark's at the door with his baby on his hip and a bag that contains two containers of take-out soup in his left hand. "Meals on wheels," he jokes. "And a cute baby too, just for shits and giggles."

Lexie smiles. Seeing Sofia, and seeing Mark, always made her feel better. "Just what I needed," she grins, as Mark hands the baby off to her.

"I've got you," he winks. "Who wouldn't feel better with soup and a baby?"

"Something happen?" Mark asks once they sit down.

"Why would you asks that?" she asks, slurping her lukewarm soup. With her free hand, she rubs circles on Sofia's belly, keeping the baby content as she sucks on a teething ring.

"You seem off," he admits, "And it's been three days since I saw you. You called me 'cause something happened. You okay?"

It's like Sofia took the cue and gave a strand of Lexie's hair a hard tug. She didn't expect it to give way in her hand. Lexie frowns and avoids looking up at Mark, wincing and resting her chin on the baby's head. "That's why," she says quietly.

"Oh," Mark nods. "I'm sorry."

"That's not all," Lexie adds, feeling vulnerable and veering on the edge of tears. "I don't feel like myself anymore. I feel weird and different. I feel like I'm slowly losing myself. And once my hair's gone, it's not going to get better from there. Then I won't look like myself, and I won't feel like myself… then what? Am I even myself anymore, at that point?"

"Lex, you'll always be you," Mark argues gently, reaching out for her hand. "You might look a little different and feel a little different, but you'll always be you, nothing's gonna take that away from you. Not unless you let it."

"Do I have any control over it though? Mark, this cancer's gonna take over my brain," Lexie says. For the first time, Mark hears fear in her voice, making it shake like a leaf, and making his heart break.

"You're not losing yourself, Lex," Mark says, coming around to her side of the table to give her a hug. He knows she needs it bad right now. "I won't let you."

With one arm over her shoulders and the other across his daughter's, Mark feels for a brief second like they're a family. And together, they'll get through this.

Two days later, early in the morning right when she woke up, Lexie called Mark crying.

"What's wrong?" he asks immediately. "Lexie, what is it?"

"My hair's f-falling o-out," she stutters. "Like, r-really falling o-out."

Mark nods, even though she can't see. "What do you want to do about it?"

"I d-don't know," she whispers. "I don't know."

Twenty minutes later she was sitting on the bathroom counter, assessing the bald patch that formed above her left ear, and watching Mark's expression in the mirror. "It looks bad," she mutters.

"It's not that noticeable," Mark argues weakly, lying.

"I don't want to shave it," Lexie shakes her head, "I'm not ready. I-I'm not, I-I..."

"Hey, hey, it's okay. You don't have to," Mark contends. "But, I might have a suggestion. Hang tight."

He comes back a minute later with a pair of scissors from the kitchen. Lexie shrugs lightly, "Okay."

"You trust me?" Mark asks, putting a hand on her thigh.

Lexie nods, "I trust you." She opens the drawer under the counter she's sitting on and pulls out her hairbrush, which has got three elastics tied on the handle, handing it to Mark. "I trust you," she repeats.

Mark leans in and gently kisses her cheek. He won't say it out loud right now, but he loves her. He really loves her.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N~ Woohoo for posting chapters at 11pm! I meant to put this up hours ago but I'm still sick as a dog and have no concept of time. Anyhow, enjoy.

 _Part Nine_

"Hey, Little Grey," Derek calls from the scan room. "You gotta take the hat off."

Lexie glares at her brother, sighs, and pulls her beanie off. Derek smiles, trying to make her feel a little less bitter. "Just me," he reminds her. "I'm not gonna judge your bald patches. I think they're kinda cute, actually. I like the length too."

Lexie smiles bashfully, tucking what's left of her hair behind her ears. Her and Mark cut it pretty short yesterday, almost at her chin. They agreed that that way it'd be less of an adjustment to make once it was all gone, and she knew it would be, didn't mean she had to like it though. It'd all be gone pretty soon anyways. "Thanks, Derek."

Derek smiles, "Alright, let's look at that brain of yours."

Derek frowns as her scans pop up on the screen, and Lexie hears his discomfort through the microphone. "Things aren't any better are they?"

"Not necessarily," he answers. "Some of the smaller mets we originally saw have shrunk. But this one, this damn big one right here in your temporal lobe got bigger. Come in here, come see."

Lexie slowly climbs off the scan table, puts her hat back on, and joins Derek in the scan room. "That's my brain?" she asks, a little horrified, staring at the scans on his screen.

If those scans were a patient's, Lexie would say they were going to die. Derek was right, that met was huge. If it grew any more it would basically become the left side of the temporal lobe, swallow it whole, and from there it'd start creeping further west in the frontal lobe. Chemo wasn't stopping that bad boy. She'd tell them soon enough, they would start to experience all sorts of emotional changes, such as mood swings and irritability, not to mention possible speech, vision, and hearing deficits, and behavioral issues. And lastly she'd tell them she was sorry, because by the looks, they didn't stand a chance.

But those scans weren't a patient's, they were hers. And she didn't want to admit any of that.

"That's your brain," Derek confirms, almost regretfully. He sees things the way she does, he knows things don't look good. But he can't look at his little sister-in-law and tell her that that temporal lobe tumour's a death sentence; a slow, painful death sentence.

"You're gonna remove that, though?" Lexie asks lightly. "Right?"

Derek shakes his head. "If that thing doesn't shrink… I don't want to gork you, I like you."

"I don't want you not to try," Lexie says firmly. "So, worst comes to worst and you screw up a little. I'll still be alive, Derek."

"But what kind of life will you have?" he questions back. "Temporal lobe is responsible for a lot of things, you know that. Processing information, auditory, speech, major behavioral changes… You know the eight principles just as I do."

"But I'll be alive," she reiterates. "I can deal. I'm a strong person."

"I know you are," Derek smiles. "We'll see, Little Grey. I'll weigh the options."

"If this were someone else, would you approach this differently?" Lexie asks, holding his eye contact and looking for an honest answer. "Would you operate?"

Derek looks between her and the scans and sighs. "I don't know," he answers honestly. "But it's not someone else, I can't separate myself from that."

Lexie would just have to accept that answer.

"Can I do your charts?" Lexie asks, toying with the pen in her hand, as the chemo drip runs into her bloodstream.

"You're offering to do my charts?" Mark asks, chucking. "You must really be bored."

"I want to feel like I'm working," Lexie sighs. "I haven't been in surgery in three weeks at least."

"Fair enough," Mark nods. He comes back a few minutes later and drops his binders in her lap. "Have at it."

"So, you had your MRI this morning?" Mark asks.

Lexie nods, busy with the charts. "This patient really made a nice recovery, huh?" she asks, motioning to a chart. "From third degree burns to being released in two weeks, that's crazy."

"You're changing the subject," Mark notes. "Everything go okay?"

"For this guy it did," Lexie smiles, continuing the chart. "He's really lucky."

"Lexie," Mark sighs. "Talk to me."

"I don't want to," Lexie mumbles in response.

"Hey, remember, I'm your person?" Mark asks. "You tell me things, I'm here to support you about said things, that's the way this whole arrangement works."

Lexie groans. "Yes, I had my MRI this morning. And things are bad."

"How bad?" Mark asks cautiously.

"Bad," Lexie answers squarely. "If those scans belonged to a patient, I would say they were circling the drain."

Mark nods grimly. "So the odds are bad."

"The odds are really bad," Lexie mutters, upset.

"The odds mean nothing," Mark argues immediately. "The odds mean nothing, remember that. Remember Izzie Stevens, her chances were slim to none and she's in Chicago right now and one of the best OBGYNs in the country."

"She didn't have a met the size of a fist in her left temporal lobe!" Lexie argues. "I mean, she kinda did but it was like a toddler fist, mine's a teenage boy's fist."

"The odds still mean nothing," Mark contends. "If anything they should motivate you to be a badass and defy them. That's what you do, you defy odds. I'm proud to call such a badass my person."

Lexie smiles. "Thanks, Mark."

Mark grins, jokingly pushing her hat down into her eyes. "Now hurry up with those charts, the interns could do them faster than you."

While Lexie slept off the chemo haze that night, Mark re-wrote his charts. He couldn't read Lexie's writing, it was chicken scratch. That, according to his research, was a typical neurological side effect of the tumour– illegible handwriting. He didn't regret letting her do the charts, he'd still let her do them tomorrow. It made her feel useful, it made her smile. So, he'd sit in his office in the dark and rewrite the charts.

When he came back, surprisingly, Lexie was awake, and she was talking with someone Mark didn't recognize. "Hey," she smiles. "Dr. Keating, this is Mark."

"Nice to meet you, Dr. Sloan." the woman smiles, reaching out for a handshake. "Dr. Grey's told me a lot about you."

"You an oncologist?" Mark asks politely.

"OBGYN," The doctor corrects him.

Mark looks to Lexie in confusion. She's got a dopey, chemo high smile on her face. "Yeah," she nods. "I'm gonna freeze my eggs. Isn't that exciting?"

"What?" Mark laughs, slightly confused. That came out of nowhere.

"Dr. Grey's expressed a want to have children in her future," Dr. Keating speaks up. "We aren't sure how the increase in the dosage of her chemotherapy will affect her fertility, so we're not taking any chances."

"I didn't tell him about the dosage change," Lexie whispers to her.

Dr. Keating laughs. "It's okay, Lexie." She looks back to Mark. "They upped her chemo dosage. She's a little bit out of it."

"I can tell," Mark nods. "Dr. Keating, can we talk outside?"

Dr. Keating looks to Lexie. "Are you okay with me sharing details of your treatment with Dr. Sloan?"

Lexie nods attentively. "Mark's my person, Dr. Keating," she says proudly.

Mark and Dr. Keating both smile. "Okay, Lexie, we'll be back in shortly," the doctor says, leading Mark into the hall.

"So who upped her chemo dosage?" Mark asks, once they're outside.

"Her oncologist stopped by before I was in," Dr. Keating nods. "They came to talk to me after. With the increase in medication, there's a risk that it could render Lexie infertile, after the treatment's over. That isn't a risk she wants to take, and I can understand that."

"You ever worked with someone in her position before?" Mark asks.

"No, but her case is rather simple. She wants to harvest her eggs; many women do, for any number of reasons. That way they'll be ready when she is."

Mark nods. "Alright."

"There's one more thing," Dr. Keating says, before Mark turns to walk back into Lexie's room. "Lexie's probably too shy or too proud or something to ask you herself, but… The eggs hold better if they're fertilized."

"And you want me to fertilize them?" Mark laughs, in disbelief.

"I think Lexie wants you to fertilize them," Dr. Keating says knowingly. "You can't tell me I'm wrong, can you?"

Mark sighs. "Alright, where's the cup I gotta use?"

"Go talk to Lexie first," Dr. Keating suggests, though she hands him the cup. "But, afterwards, here."


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N~ Aaah sorry I tried to post this earlier and didn't work? anyways,*tornado warning siren*_

 _Part Ten_

"You'd do that for me?" Lexie asks, as soon as Mark brings up the idea, her eyes brighter than Mark's seen them in weeks, despite the chemo fog in her brain.

"Of course," Mark smiles.

Lexie's smile vanishes for a brief second, and she loses eye contact with Mark. "This wasn't supposed to be how we make a baby," she says quietly.

Mark sighs, and nods. "I know," he answers her quietly. "But, it's okay." He leans in and kisses her forehead. Underneath her thinning bangs, he feels the heat from her fever, it's gotta be about 102. "Mark, do you think we'll ever get a chance to use the embryos? It'd be a waste if we didn't, right?"

"We'll use the embryos one day," Mark reassures her. "When you're better. Or, you know, if you decide you don't want me, you could use them. I just don't want you to miss out on this chance."

"I'm not arguing," Lexie smiles. "We're gonna do it. I just want to make sure you're okay with the idea that…"

"You're not dying, Lexie," Mark says shorty. "I'm not even entertaining the possibility."

Lexie smiles. "I appreciate the optimism. And thanks, for doing this."

...

Mark hears Lexie screaming from down the hall at 6 AM. It takes him back to doing his psych rotation during med school, to be honest.

"What's going on?" Mark asks a nurse, who comes out of Lexie's room with a look of disdain on her face.

"Beware," the nurse sighs. "She's having a day."

"She's having a day?" Mark repeats. "What kind of a day?"

"All neurological patients have them, unfortunately," the nurse nods. "Just be patient with her. It's not the Lexie you know that's talking today, it's her tumour."

Mark sighs. "Alright, I see. Thank you for warning me."

"Hey, sourpuss," he grins, jokingly. As soon as the words come out of his mouth, he realizes they might've been a mistake.

Lexie pouts. "Hi, Mark."

"It's a good day outside, and in here," Mark nods. "I was just downstairs. Derek's operating on a huge glioblastoma today, and there's a huge cardio case that Yang's working on with Altman, and there's a trauma, and…"

"What's the point in telling me all the stuff that's going on downstairs when I'm stuck up here?" Lexie asks bitterly.

"I just thought you'd like to know," Mark shrugs.

"Well I don't care," Lexie argues.

"Alright, fine," Mark settles. "So, what would you like to talk about?"

"Can we not talk?" Lexie asks.

Mark nods. "If that's what you'd like, alright."

"Can I ask you why you're angry?" Mark asks tentatively, after a couple moments of silence.

"Oh, I don't know," Lexie sighs sarcastically. "I could be downstairs, I could be assisting Derek with that glioblastoma right now. I could be working on that cardio case, with Yang and Altman, or the trauma, or I could be… I could be doing a lot of things, that's the point! But instead, I'm stuck here, with my damn tumour! I'm stuck here, in this bed, hyped up on enough anti-nausea drugs for a damn horse, and, and, and, and… I'm sick, and I'm gross, and I'm ugly, and my head hurts, and…"

Mark puts a finger on her lips to shut her up. "First of all, you are not gross or ugly, not at all. And, one day you'll be back downstairs, and there will be another glioblastoma, another cardio case, another trauma. Until then though, you can't change the fact that you're up here with your tumour, so you can't dwell on it. Learn to accept the things you can't change."

"That's the AA motto," Lexie replies stubbornly. "And I don't care if I can't change it, I can still be angry about it! Or are you gonna try and tell me how to feel now, because I do not need that right now I've already got a damn tumour in my brain I don't need you in there too!"

Mark sighs. He's not in the mood for this today and she probably just needs some time to cool down. "Alright, I won't be in your brain. I won't be in here either. I'll see you later." And with that, he heads back downstairs.

"Did you just come from seeing Lexie?" Meredith asks, as soon as he gets off the elevator. "I was just on my way up."

"I wouldn't," Mark advises.

"Why? Is she okay?" Mer asks, slightly concerned.

"Oh, physically she's fine, but she's being a bitch, quite honestly," he admits with a dark chuckle. "The doctors say it's a neurological thing, that she doesn't mean to be mean, but regardless, she's being mean."

Mer shakes her head. "I'm still going to see her," she argues, getting onto the elevator.

"How you feeling?" Meredith asks, sauntering into her sister's room and opening the curtains, to let the sunlight in.

Lexie squints against the sudden light. "I could be better," she mutters.

"Guess what?" Mer smiles, sitting down on the end of the bed, hoping her happy demeanor will rub off on her sister.

"Derek's got a glioblastoma?" Lexie sighs. "I know."

"Well, yes," Mer says hesitantly, "but that wasn't what I was gonna say… I was going to say, I convinced Derek to help me shave my head tonight." She smiles nervously. She's more than willing to do it for her sister, she knew Lexie would do the same for her, but it was sort of nerve wracking.

The reaction Meredith gets is not the one she was expecting. "Why would you do that?" Lexie asks.

Mer chuckles, trying hide her confusion. "Lexie, we talked about this the other night, remember? Did you think I was kidding?"

"I hoped you were," Lexie says, furrowing her eyebrows. "Why would you deliberately make yourself uglier? For the time being, you're the pretty Grey sister."

"Lexie," Mer says, trying to snap her out of whatever tumour-induced funk she's in. "I'm doing it for you," she says forcefully, "Because you're my sister, and I love you, and I don't want you to feel alone."

"I am alone!" Lexie argues. "Just because you shave your head doesn't mean you understand what I'm going through!"

"It's the most I can do, Lexie!" Mer says, raising her voice. "I know it's not much, I get that, but it's what I have to offer."

"Well don't, I don't want your pity!"

"It's not pity," Mer says, her voice low, after a few minutes. "You know it's not pity." Somewhere, Lexie does know, and Mer realizes that. She just has to keep telling herself that this was not her sister talking right now, not the sister that she had this discussion with the other night. It was the tumour talking, she saw it in patients all the time. It was a lot more jarring when it was her own sister. "I have surgery, I'll see you later," she mumbles, exiting her sister's room. she didn't want to talk to the tumour.

"And how'd it go?" Mark asks, upon Meredith's return to the surgical floor.

"You warned me," Mer nods. "Maybe I should've listened."

"You should've listened to Mark, what?" Cristina butts in, coming up from behind Mer.

"Yeah," Meredith mumbles in agreement. "It's about Lexie. Her tumour's talking today and making her mean."

"Mean like me?" Cristina asks, clicking her pen.

"Exactly like you," Mark answers gruffly.

"I'm gonna go see her, talk some sense into her," Cristina suggests.

"Don't say we didn't warn you," Mark and Meredith call, as Cristina heads for the elevator.


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N~ Say you won't let go by James Arthur reminds me of slexie just thought I'd say that ok bye_

 _Part Eleven_

This time, coming down the hall, Mark hears Lexie crying. And honestly, he's not sure what he prefers, the screaming or the crying.

"Did Cristina come talk to you?" he asks, standing in the doorway. If she's being a bitch, he's not going in.

"What? No," Lexie says. "I've been asleep."

"Then why you crying?" Mark asks, trying to pull the stick from his ass and be gentle and concerned.

"Because I freaked out on Meredith," Lexie whines. "And you too. I didn't mean to."

"We know that," Mark says, sighing and coming to sit beside her.

"I'm glad you do but that doesn't make it okay," Lexie argues, wiping her eyes with her palms. "I'm sorry."

Mark gives her a hug. "I forgive you," he tells her. "I think you have to apologize to Meredith though, you said more mean things to her than you did to me. But she'll forgive you, just like I did."

Standing in the doorway, there's a smiling, crying older sister. "I will forgive you, he's right," she nods.

Lexie laughs and opens her arms, inviting Mer over.

...

"Let's take a look at that brain, huh?" Derek grins from the scan room.

"I feel like we're always here," Lexie sighs, her voice echoing inside the MRI machine.

Derek grins, and then there's silence while the scan takes place. Lexie thinks she falls asleep.

"Alright, Little Grey, come on in here, come see these," Derek nods, once the scan is done.

He looks at the scans almost with a sense of pride. "Look at that," he says, pointing out one of the lesions.

Lexie doesn't quite get it. She's worked with Derek enough to understand a lot of his oddities, but his sense of pride regarding a particularly large tumour in her temporal lobe was not one of them.

"I can remove that," he says surely. "Sure, it isn't your biggest concern," he shrugs, pointing out the bigger tumour slightly left. "But, it will vastly improve things. It's one step closer to cancer-free, right?"

He looks over to find Lexie blankly staring. He sighs and leaves her be for 15 seconds, waiting out the duration of the seizure, until she comes to. "Hi," he smiles. "Did you hear what I said before?"

She nods. "You said you can remove that," she says, pointing out the mass on the scan.

He nods in response. "That'll help with the seizures," he notes. "At least partially."

"When?" she asks. "Soon?"

Derek studies the scan, thinking about his course of action. "Let's do one more round of chemo," Derek suggests. "I'll get your oncology team to run it soon, we won't wait too long, and at that point I'll feel more confident operating."

"Okay," Lexie sighs unsurely.

"I can do this, Grey," Derek tells her, trying to make her feel more comfortable. "I mean, I can't promise you anything, but you know I wouldn't do this if I didn't know I could."

She nods, and Derek wraps an arm around her shoulders. "Never imagined we'd be here, huh?" he smiles lightly.

"I think that all the time," Lexie sighs quietly. "But we can't think like that."

She seizes for another 15 seconds before Derek can answer, and so he doesn't. "Let's go back to your room," he suggests. He hates this.

...

"Hey," Mark smiles. While Lexie was in the scan room, he sat on her bed and did his charts. It was comfier than most places in the hospital. "How'd the scan go?"

Derek fakes a smile. "It was great," he says quickly. "Can I talk to you outside?"

Mark nods and the two step outside. "What went wrong?" Mark sighs.

"Nothing went wrong," Derek contends. "Nothing really, anyways. You've seen her have a seizure, that's all."

Mark nods. "Yeah," he says quietly.

"Does she have those often?" Derek questions.

"I've only seen her have one or two," Mark shrugs. "I don't know. Is it bad?"

"Mark, she's having seizures, it isn't good," Derek mutters, writing something down in Lexie's chart.

"She's having one right now," Mark notes, watching her stare down at her hands through the open door.

Derek nods. "I can remove one of her tumours, did I mention that?"

"Really?" Mark asks. "That's great," he exclaims, laughing just a little. "That's great… right?"

Derek nods, smiling at his friend's enthusiasm. "Yeah, it is," he says. "It's not her big one that I can remove, but it definitely isn't nothing."

Derek's only seen his best friend cry a few times– the first time when his own sister, a girl Mark thought of as the sister God never gave him, Amelia, had overdosed on drugs and her heart stopped, that was almost 20 years ago now, and the last time when his daughter was born– and now. Now, when he told him that he could possibly remove a tumour from the love of his life's brain. He was crying because he was grateful, and relieved, and he was crying because he cared. More than he would ever admit to him, he cared about that girl in there.

"Really?" Mark asks, his voice shaky from tears. He wasn't used to crying, he hadn't cried yet throughout this whole, horrible journey. He'd come so close on multiple occasions, especially whenever he saw Lexie cry, when she cried it broke him, but he'd always be too guarded to shed any tears. Except now, when hope was on the horizon, or something. Hope was what made him cry.

And it damn near almost brings Derek to tears too. He nods, "Really. She'll still have one big one, but…"

"Oh but it's better than nothing," Mark nods. He wraps his best friend in a hug.

Derek laughs, releasing so much tension. "We'll fix her, Mark," he sighs. "We'll fix her."

Mark smiles, watching Lexie through the window. Watching her doodle something on his charts and smile. She's still got this big, beautiful smile that lights up her face, and his whole world. "Derek, if only she were broken," he remarks contently.

"Whatcha drawing?" Mark asks with a smile.

Lexie looks up from his charts and beams at him. "It's us," she tells him, tapping the pencil against the page, which has two and a half stick people drawn on it. "That's Derek," she says, pointing out the half. "I didn't quite get to finish him. But that's you and me."

Mark smiles. One stick person's got a big smile and no hair, that one must be her. And then there's him, he's got big eyes and big lips and spiky hair. "That's great, looks just like us," Mark agrees.

"I decided I'm gonna start journaling," Lexie tells him, thickening her lines on the page.

"Yeah?" Mark nods. "I decided I'm gonna take you out tonight. I've got a surgery, and then I'm all yours, and we can go anywhere you want."

"Anywhere I want?" Lexie laughs. "Anywhere?"

"Well, I mean, within reason," Mark clarifies, already knowing she's going to say something so far out.

"So we can't go to Guatemala?" Lexie asks.

Mark hesitates. "I was thinking more like McDonald's. Or the movies, or something."

"Can I think about it?" Lexie smirks.

"Oh man," Mark laughs. "Yeah. I guess. I'll pick you up at 8."


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N~ Just a reminder that reviews make my day guys! If you like it, let me know *blows kisses* ~Belle_

 _Part Twelve_

"Mark and I are going out tonight," Lexie tells April, at home later.

"Ooh, you're going on a date?" April grins. "Where's your makeup bag?"

"It's the green and blue one in the first drawer under the sink in the bathroom?" Lexie questions. "What do you need?"

"No," April contends, grabbing it and then plopping down on Lexie's bed. "It's what do _you_ need, and the answer is blush."

Lexie laughs and lets April powder blush on her cheeks. "The ghostly look isn't in?" she asks.

"You've looked better," April admits, tapping Lexie's nose with the brush. "Now close your eyes."

"I can put my own eyeliner on," Lexie argues, still letting her though. "I don't really wear eyeliner often."

"It makes your eyes pop," April notes. "There you go, gorgeous," she grins. "Mark won't know what hit him tonight."

"We're not going on a date," Lexie tells her. "We're just going bowling and then out for ice cream, it's not…"

"Whatever you say," April shrugs. "Whatever you want to call it… wear nice panties."

"Stop it," Lexie laughs. "Mark isn't going to see my panties."

"Well, obviously," April notes, "But you always feel prettier when you wear nice panties."

Mark's casually late as usual, Meredith opens the door for him. "Have fun," she grins broadly. "Just not too much fun."

"Oh, c'mon," Mark laughs. "Your husband would punch me again if I tried to get in Lexie's pants tonight."

Footsteps pound quietly down the stairs behind them. "She wore nice panties for you," April adds quietly.

"I wore them for me!" Lexie argues, throwing one of her shoes down the stairs at April.

"Does it matter?" Derek questions, poking his head in from the kitchen. "No one's going to see them."

"Yeah but you always feel prettier when you wear nice panties," all three girls echo at the same time.

Mark and Derek look at each other and shrug. "Have fun guys," Derek shrugs, going back to his work.

"I need to move out of this house," Lexie mumbles as they leave. "Seriously."

...

"Size eights, here you go," Mark grins, plopping a pair of bowling shoes down on the table.

Mark ties his shoes on in thirty seconds, and looks to see Lexie struggling. "My ankles are swollen," she exclaims. "Like, really swollen, like pregnancy level swollen…"

Mark laughs, "It's okay."

"You know," Lexie decides. "Screw these. Nobody will notice if I don't wear these, will they?"

"Doubt it," Mark shrugs. "Just… put them under the table."

Lexie laughs and shoves the shoes underneath her chair. "Let's play ball," she jokes.

"I'm gonna warn you, I'm a shitty bowler," Mark laughs.

"You weren't lying, you really are a shitty bowler," Lexie laughs, after the game's over and she's won, by far, and without shoes.

"Oh cmon, I wasn't that bad," Mark argues feebly. "Ice cream?" He confirms.

Lexie nods, distracted. "Look," she says, pointing out something towards the exit of the bowling alley. "It's a photo booth."

"C'mon, those are cheesy," Mark argues weakly. In reality, he'd love to. Him and Lexie didn't take nearly enough photos together, they never had.

Lexie shakes her head as she stops for a second to catch her breath. Mark smirks and scoops her up bridal style, and she squeals. "Mark, put me down," she laughs. "If you fall we're both gonna die."

"No one's dying," he answers, as he puts her down in the booth and slides two dollars into the machine.

The first picture, they smile, and the second, they make silly faces. In the third picture, Mark leans in and kisses her, smack on the lips. And he pulls away quick enough that in the fourth and final picture, you can see Lexie's expression of utter surprise, and his of mischief and accomplishment.

"Mark!" Lexie exclaims as they're waiting for their photo strips to develop, "What was that?!"

Mark laughs. "It was a kiss," he tells her. "That's all, nothing more. Don't read too much into it."

"How can I not read too much into it?" Lexie asks in return. "I mean…"

"Lexie," Mark says, stopping her from babbling on. "I really care about you, that's no secret. Now c'mon, I gotta get you back to Mer's or everyone's gonna think I slept with you. So ice cream and _vamos._ "

She'd need the ice cream to stop her face from overheating. Blushing could do that to you, couldn't it?

...

"Happy surgery day," Derek announces, walking into Lexie's room at half past six in the morning and opening the windows.

She groans, "Close the windows and let me sleep a little longer."

"You can sleep when you're under anesthesia," he contends. "Which, will be soon."

"That's not sleeping," Lexie whines. "Close the windows."

"See you later," Derek grins, pulling up her blanket and leaving the room.

"Derek," Meredith hisses, face to face with him in the hall. "Leave her alone, why don't you?"

Derek smiles and shakes his head. He's just trying to have a little fun before all the tension of what was going on later.

Later was Lexie's first surgery. Maybe, if the stars aligned and everything worked out just right, it could be her last. Derek was hopeful, honestly. He had a plan, the way he always did, he wouldn't be doing this if he wasn't sure it would improve her condition more than it'd hurt it. It wasn't a cure, of course it wasn't quite yet, but it was the start, and he felt good about it.

Mark says the same thing later, coming in to visit while Lexie was in pre-op. "Happy surgery day."

"Don't," Lexie argues, looking away.

Mark claps his hands together. "You got half an hour till the team scrubs in. Shepherd's got Kepner scrubbing in with him, he wanted Meredith, but that breaches policy or whatever. He's got a whole big plan, it's gonna take 8 hours if everything goes as planned, in, out…"

She frowns and turns her back to him. He puts a hand on her back. "Hey, okay. What's wrong? You feeling okay?"

She nods wordlessly. "Lex, c'mon, talk to me," Mark says. "I'm your person, remember, you can talk to me."

"Then just be my person!" Lexie bursts, turning around a little too quickly and rendering herself lightheaded. "You can't be my doctor and my person, you can't be both! You're supposed to be taking my mind off the surgery, not giving me the details, I don't want details!"

Mark understands what's going on. "You're scared," he nods. He feels like a total idiot for not realizing that right away.

"Of course I'm scared," Lexie whimpers.

Mark wipes the tears spilling onto her cheeks. "I am too," he admits. "But it's gonna be okay."

"You're not sure of that," Lexie argues.

"I'm not sure of anything," Mark admits. "But I'm an optimist."

"I don't want to die," Lexie answers, her voice quiet and rough. "But if I do, I just want you to know…"

Mark puts his thumb over her lips. "You're not dying, Lex, okay? Not even thinking about it. Happy thoughts. I'll see you in post-op, you're not gonna die."

Lexie nods. "Okay."

A nurse peeks her head into the room. "Dr Sloan it's time to get Dr. Grey into the OR."

Mark nods. "I'll come as far as I can."

Lexie quickly grabs onto his hand. "Can you hold my hand?"

Mark nods, saddened that she's so scared, and he holds her hand until the nurse tells him he's gotta leave. "I…" He hesitates. He wants to say I love you. "I'll see you in post-op."


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N~ So, I live near a golf course and when it's gonna rain, there's this bell that goes off to let people know the rain is coming. Pretend you hear that bell right now. Rain is coming. xo_

 _Part Thirteen_

Mark never realizes how much time he spends at the hospital until he leaves. Until Callie drags him across the street to Joe's to take his mind off Lexie's surgery.

"I don't understand," Mark whines, taking a gulp of his drink, which he's been stirring more than sipping.

"Mark, she's been awake, what, 3 hours?" Callie asks, finishing off her second drink. "She's still drugged."

"She isn't herself," Mark argues. "She isn't… I don't know her! Something happened in that surgery and she isn't herself."

" _Mark_ ," Callie says, aggressively pulling his out of his rambling. "You need to give her time. Nothing went wrong in surgery, Derek already told you this. He didn't touch her frontal lobe, he went nowhere near it–"  
"The temporal lobe still controls some of a person's personality, Callie!"

"Mark, listen to me!" Callie reiterates. "You need to give her time."

Mark sighs and picks up his drink. "If I'm going to give her time, I'm going to need to be drunk for that time."

...

"Derek, what happened?" Meredith asks that night in bed. "She shouldn't be acting the way she is, should she?"

Derek sighs, "Meredith, I don't know. I mean, I know _what_ is happening, I don't know _why_ it is happening, though."

"I know what's happening too," Mer nods slowly. "She's displaying signs of temporal lobe personality changes. There's 18, and…"

"So far we've seen a couple," Derek nods finishing her sentence. "And there will probably be more to come."

"We can handle it," Mer argues, not sure who she's trying to convince. "Remember, a couple weeks ago, when she had that day, that she was angry at everyone? We handled that, and then it went away, and it was okay."

"Yes, but Meredith I don't think this is going to go away," Derek argues, shaking his head. "And it isn't always going to be anger, or even emotionality. It could be aggression, depression, paranoia, hypermoralism…"

"Derek, I know the signs," Meredith stops him. "I know that they'll turn my sister into someone we don't recognize."

Derek puts his arm over his wife's shoulders, rubs his hand on the back of her head. "I'm sorry," he says. He knows he shouldn't, but he sort of blames himself just a little bit.

"It isn't your fault," Mer acknowledges. "Goodnight."

...

"What is she doing?" Jackson asks, lurking outside his ex-girlfriend's room and watching her furiously scribble on a piece of paper.

"She's journalling, I think," April answers. "At least, that's what she told me this morning."

"You went to see her this morning?"

April nod, "Yup. We had a really great chat about Jesus, and journalling, and lots of other things. It was… it was something, that's for sure."

"Is it weird?" Jackson asks. He realizes it might be inappropriate, but it's what he really wants to know.

April nods, sighing defeatedly. "It is weird," she tells him. "That's the right word for it too. It's like… I don't know, maybe if you didn't know her, and you didn't know she had a brain tumour and therefore temporal lobe damage, it wouldn't be weird. But we know better."

Jackson nods. "We know what she used to be like," he adds.

"Even who she was yesterday," April nods. "It's sad," she concludes. "It's sad because we prayed together this morning, the first time we've ever prayed together, and I was praying for her to stop wanting to pray with me. That's her tumour that's praying with me. That's her tumour that's madly writing that journal right now. I don't want the tumour, I want Lexie back."

Jackson nods. "We all do."

...

"Mark, you can't just not visit her."

Mark looks up from his food. "I can do whatever I want," he mumbles.

Arizona looks to everyone else at the table for support. "She needs you," she argues.

"She doesn't even want me," he argues. "She's too busy… I don't know, doing whatever weird things she's been doing."

"You wouldn't know, because you haven't been to see her," Arizona says, accusingly.

"She's the happiest she's been since this whole diagnosis," Mark notes. "Right now, she's on a roller coaster that's only going up."

"The side effects aren't all good," Arizona reminds him.

"For her, right now, they are," Mark contends. "I want her to be happy."

"You should go be happy with her, then," Arizona suggests. "Just try it. What's the harm in trying it?"

Mark groans. He's lost the battle. "I'll go see her after my surgery."

Arizona claps her hands together with a big smile on her face. "Good boy," she jokes.

...

He lurks in the hallway until he gets spotted.

"Don't be a stranger," Lexie calls out, a smile bright spreading across her face and right up the side of her head to the big surgery scar.

Mark smiles and regains his composure, treading carefully into Lexie's room. Meredith brought her the blanket she kept on her bed, a fuzzy yellow one, and she had it wrapped over her shoulders. Mark remembers one day, a long time ago, sitting on the couch at Mer's with her, watching a stupid movie about some stupid couple, and she had that blanket wrapped over her shoulders then too, and the same light blue fuzzy socks and blue striped pajama pants on. And the same smile, too. He shakes the memory off and walks into the room.

"How are you feeling?" he asks.

She shrugs, biting her lip and smiling. "It sucks," she admits. "This whole situation, but I'm okay."

"You're okay?" he repeats.

"Happier than I've been in a while, I don't really know why," she shrugs.

 _Because your temporal lobe has been tampered with_ , Mark thinks. _She should know that, she's going to be a neurosurgeon. But nope, can't tell her that, or she won't be all perky and the way she is right now, which I want her to stay, because she's happier than she's been in awhile, she just said that._ "That's good," he says.

"I'm better now that you're here," she adds. "Though, I have had lots of visitors."

"Yeah?" Mark asks. "Everyone cares about you."

"You're the only one I really wanted to see, though," she says, biting her lip again, and reaching out to take his hand. She pulls him closer to her, onto her bed.

"Lexie," Mark laughs, "What… what are you doing?"

"I just want you to sit here," she says, acting innocent. Mark's concerned.

She lays with her head on his chest and looks up at him, still with that smile that concerns Mark with its mischievous presence. "Mark," she eventually says, getting up off his chest.

"Yeah?"

The last thing Mark sees before he shuts his eyes and lets himself be absorbed in the moment is that smile grow to devious and passionate, and her lips break apart to release their tongue and fire it in between his own lips. He feels her hands on his sides, digging under the waistband of his scrubs, wildly searching for God only knows what…. He stops her before she can get any further. "Lexie, what are you doing?"

She looks startled that he pulled away, hurt even. "I want you, Mark," she says, breathing heavily.

"You want sex?" he asks. "Lexie…"

She nods. "But not just sex, sex with you. I know you want it too, you're… you're you, Mark."

"Not with you!" he retaliates, a little too fast and powerful. He immediately wants to take it back.

Now she looks hurts. "Not with me," she repeats to herself, laughing in disbelief. "Of course, why would you want to have sex with me? I'm sick, I'm butt ugly..."

"I do not think you're butt ugly at all," Mark reassures her quickly. "Lexie, we're not even together, we can't sleep together."

"Like that's stopped you before," Lexie argues. "It's okay to admit it, Mark. You don't want to sex with me, it's whatever."

"Yeah, you know what Lexie I will admit it," Mark says, standing up. "I don't want to have sex with you right now, okay?"

Lexie nods slowly, sucking her teeth and looking away. "Okay," she responds bitterly. "In that case, get out."

Mark doesn't move, his eyes still on her. "Out, Mark!" she repeats loudly, pointing to the door, the blanket falling off her shoulders. "I said get out!"


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N~ I officially accepted my offer of admission to attend my top choice university in the fall today! :) This chapter hurts by the way I'm just warning you. We are fast approaching the end of this fic *Dun dun dun*_

 _Part Fourteen_

Derek's startled by the figure lurking in the shadows as he exits the scan room. "Hello," he nods. "Why are you just standing here like a crazy person?"

"I screwed up," Mark huffs. "With Lexie."

"She told me," Derek nods. "And yeah, you kinda did."

"She told you?" Mark asks.

"Yes, don't you know, we're tight," Derek says, forcing a smile as he walks briskly down the hall, hoping this will end the conversation.

Instead, Mark follows him. "What exactly did she tell you, because our stories may be a little different…"

Derek smiles and shakes his head. "Maybe," he geers, "Because she told me you didn't want to have sex with her. And I thought that sounded a little out of character…"

Derek stops laughing when he sees Mark's stone cold serious expression. "Oh," Derek says abruptly. "Are you sure you're not the one with the brain tumour?"

Mark fakes an exaggerated laugh. "You're funny," he says, stopping suddenly.

"Mark, it's cancer, it's not herpes," Derek contends.

"You think that's why I don't want to have sex with her? Because she's sick?" Mark asks, now stopping his movement.

"Is that not it?" Derek asks, stopping alongside him.

Mark thinks about that for a second. "It is," he admits, "but it's not. It's not because she's sick, it's because she's vulnerable right now, more vulnerable than I've ever seen her, and… I can't. It's not that I don't want to, I do… But it's like waiting your whole life to kiss someone and they're drunk when you do it, the timing is wrong and it's all wrong and… I can't."

"I do understand," Derek nods, but Mark senses a but coming. And then it comes. "But she doesn't. So I think you may owe someone an apology."

...

Meredith sighs, shutting the door to her sister's room behind her and entering at her own risk. "How are you?" she asks, plopping down on the uncomfortable chair by the bedside.

Lexie shrugs, "I'm okay… I think Mark's mad at me though."

"Why would he be mad at you?" Meredith sighs, reaching behind her for her bag, which she'd stashed in here this morning. "What'd you do?"

Lexie's face turns red with embarrassment. "I… tried to have sex with him."

Mer laughs, opening up her lunch container. "Pardon me?"

"It isn't funny," Lexie sighs. "I made a complete idiot of myself, I'm a complete idiot."

"He's the complete idiot for not wanting to sex with you," Meredith argues half-heartedly, her mouth full of salad. "But I think I understand his reasoning, at least partially. I watched Izzie and Alex go through the same thing. He'll get over it."

"He'll get over being scared of me and the fact that I'm sick and ugly, you mean?" Lexie asks, reaching out and picking a crouton out of her sister's salad.

"Hey," Mer argues, "If you're ugly, I'm ugly too," she notes, pulling off her wig with a semi-graceful swoop and a shrug. "But we're not, so shush. Besides, that isn't the reason."

"Then what is the reason, I don't get it?" Lexie sighs, stealing another crouton.

Mer stares at her with a smile, her fork mid-air. "Lexie, don't you get it? He won't sleep with you because he loves you, silly."

Lexie snickers, "What is this, the grown-up version of 'if he teases you he has a crush on you'?"

Mer contemplates and nods, "Yes, exactly."

"That's stupid!" Lexie exclaims.

Mer shrugs, "It is what it is, I don't know what to say. He loves you, and he doesn't want to sleep with you because of it. If the situation were reversed, and it was him that was in your place, it was him that were vulnerable, would you sleep with him?"

Lexie's never thought of it that way. She shrugs, "I don't know… no, probably not."

"And why not? Not because he'd be sick and ugly, right?"

"No," Lexie mumbles. "But Mer, this is Mark we're talking about, he couldn't be ugly."

Mer grins. "That's the way he feels about you," she tells her, packing up her lunch and preparing to go back to work. "Love you, see you later. Work things out with Mark, he's good for you."

Like he did yesterday, Mark lurks in the hallway until he gets spotted. "I don't bite," Lexie reminds him gently.

Mark smiles and enters the room with a little bit of confidence this time. Just like yesterday, she had that fuzzy yellow blanket over her shoulders and a smile on her face.

"How are you feeling?" he asks again.

"I feel like a little bit of an idiot," she admits, her cheeks tinging red. "I owe you an apology."

"Well, thanks, I guess, apology accepted," Mark tells her, caught off guard. "I actually came cause I feel like I owe _you_ an apology."

"Why?" she asked, her eyes not meeting his. "Did you do something I don't know about yet?"

Mark can't help but smile. "No," he laughs lightly. "About yesterday, about saying no. I'm sorry. I was being insensitive."

Lexie pauses for a moment and thinks about it. "No, you weren't," she argues eventually, her head still down. "I was the insensitive one. I get why you don't… I get it, and it's fine."

"Is it fine, though?" Mark asks, trying to find her eyes. He liked those eyes, he wanted to see them.

"I understand," Lexie tells him, "I do, Mer and I talked about it. You care, and that's sweet of you. You care about me too much to sleep with me while I'm vulnerable. It's sweet, Mark."

"But you don't want me to be sweet, do you?" He knows her, he sees right through this game face she's put on. He knows her better than this. "You don't want me to treat you like you're sick. Lexie, were you serious the other night? Do you want sex?"

She nods bashfully. She feels weird asking. "I don't want my last time to have been with Jackson," she tells him. "Not that he was bad or anything, he was actually really great, but…"

Mark nods. "Okay. All you had to do was ask, Lex. Believe me, I want to have sex with you. I…" He can't say it. But they both know.

Lexie nods. "So you'll do it? _We_ 'll do it?" she whispers.

Mark takes her hand and nods. "When you get out of here, if you still really want it, then yeah. I want you to be happy."

For the second time in the past minute, he wants to say it. The three words are burning in his throat, eating away at him, but he just can't bring himself to. He hopes she knows, though. He hopes his actions are louder than his words in this case.

...

"Is tonight the night?"

"It's weird when you say it like that," Lexie argues. "But, yeah, tonight's the night."

April claps her hands together in excitement. "I'll be sure to make myself scarce, give you two some privacy…"

Lexie's cheeks turn red and she looks away, suppressing a smile. "I'm just teasing," April tells her gently. "Seriously though, have a good time tonight. This should be a positive experience, it should be meaningful and fun, and…"

"Like you'd know," Lexie grins.

April doesn't have anything to say back. "Well," she tries, "I hope your night is as magical as I expect it to be."

"You're so cute, thank you."

"Yeah yeah," April smiles. "Now hurry up, I have to bring you home so you can get ready. Mark's gonna be there soon."

...

Standing outside of Meredith's house gathering up the courage to knock on the door, he didn't get why he wasn't more excited. His hands were irrationally clammy. He was nervous, or something. _That's stupid_ , he thought. It's not like they'd never done this before. And sex with her was… She was good, they were good together. He should be excited.

Sitting on the end of her bed, watching Lexie pull her shirt off over her skinny frame, he was starting to understand why he wasn't more exciting. Sure, he'd wanted to have sex with her for… ever, but not like this. She was out of breath and they hadn't even started yet, flushed and a little sweaty.

"You're sure you're okay to do this?" he reaffirms.

"Of course," she responds, trying to hide the fact that she's winded. "Drop your pants."

He laughs. If nothing else, tonight would be an experience.

It was an experience, but it was more than that. It was heartbreaking. Mark had never had a heartbreaking sex experience before, and that was saying alot, considering he had a lot of sexual experience. But tonight… Hearing her laboured breaths, feeling her bones stick out and the bulge of the chemo port in her chest, knowing she was uncomfortable… it hurt him. Feeling like if he made any sudden, harsh movements he'd break her; it was like making love to a bird, and not in a poetic and beautiful way– in a sad, fragile way. Lying beside her at the end of the night, they both knew it.

The most heartbreaking part? Hearing her cry now, after they'd finished and she felt like she'd failed. He wanted to cry too.


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N~ You guys might wanna kill me after this I'm sorry (no i'm not) But this is the second last chapter! Aaah!_

 _Part Fifteen_

"The sex was just that mind-blowing, huh?" Mark jokes, walking into Lexie's hospital room the next morning.

She smiles underneath the oxygen mask. "The sex was great," she answers quietly. She isn't entirely lying. It was great, besides the circumstances. Besides her crying afterwards, feeling like she was pass out during it, and being nervous even before they started, it was pretty great. It made her feel… was validated the right word? Like she could still do something meaningful, even if she couldn't do it quite the way she used to. It still felt good to have working parts.

Mark nods slightly. He'll admit too, it wasn't all bad. "I've never put a woman in the hospital before," he jokes.

She tries to laugh, and then presses the mask back over her mouth and takes a deep inhale. Her lungs were working even crappier than they usually were today.

"You okay?" Mark asks her.

"Yeah," she nods. "Just tired."

"Okay," he answers unsurely. "I've gotta get going, I just came to see how you were doing after last night."

"Thanks again for that," Lexie says, looking up at him as he gets up to leave. "Wait, where are you going?"

"I've got patients," Mark reminds her. "I've got places to go, people to see."

"And boobs to cut off?"

It's weird hearing that statement muffled under an oxygen mask. It makes Mark hesitate. "The word is _enhance_ ," he contends. "I've got boobs to _enhance_."

Lexie nods. "Okay," she says quietly, trying to smile.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Mark asks. "I can get someone to cover for me if you want to stay…"

Lexie shakes her head. "Don't be silly," she breathes. "Go enhance some boobs."

Mark smiles. "Page me if you need me," he reminds her.

...

"Dr. Sloan, that's your pager," the scrub nurse alerts him, as he's scalpel deep inside his patient's chest.

"Is it Dr. Grey?" he asks, not taking his eyes off the mammaries at hand.

"It's Dr. Torres," the scrub nurse tells him.

"It can wait," he nods. "I'm busy."

The pager goes off again. "She says it's important," the scrub nurse adds. "Not necessarily urgent, it says, however, important."

"Tell her the breasts are more important than she is," Mark nods again.

The scrub nurse uncomfortably types back just that, and Callie leaves him alone, for now. Then she pages 911.

"Seriously, Torres!" Mark exclaims to no one in particular. He looks to the nurse helplessly. "It's 911," she states. "To Lexie Grey's room."

Mark groans and looks to Avery, his right hand man. "Take over for me," he tells him.

"Is Lexie okay?" Jackson asks.

"We're about to go find out," Mark nods, trying to fake any sense of calmness that he can before bolting into the hall.

...

There's a flurry of activity as he approaches Lexie's room, Callie's standing outside. "Torres, what happened?"

"It's nothing, calm down," she answers quickly, not taking her eyes off the doctors and nurses flooding the room.

"You didn't page me for nothing, what happened?!" Mark asks. The less she wants to tell him, the more he wants to worry. "Did she stop breathing, did she–"

"The patient's seizing again, can I have 4mg of lorazepam?" the resident inside asks.

"She's on lorazepam for nausea, that dosage isn't going to be enough!" Mark yells.

"Mark," Callie warns, her hands against his chest. "They know what they're doing, leave them alone."

"She's still seizing, 4mg again, please," the resident repeats.

"Callie, let me through!" Mark pleads.

"Stop it, " Callie says forcefully, keeping him outside with a firm stance. "Stop it, let them do their job. Family members stay outside."

"Family members?! Callie, c'mon, I'm a doctor first, I'm not even technically her family," Mark argues.

"You are her family member in every sense of the word, you are also unnecessary medical personnel, you stay outside," Callie asserts. "I know you love her Mark but because you love her, you have to let the doctors fix her."

Mark sighs and slumps down on the floor in the hall, and Callie slumps down beside him. "Can you leave?" Mark sighs. "I just need to be alone."

Callie thinks about it, she thinks about protesting, but after a moment she gets to her feet. "Don't stay too long at your pity party," she reminds him before taking off down the hall.

Derek walks by almost an hour later. The commotion has long since died down, and all he sees is Mark sitting on the floor with his sad face. "Are you having a problem?" he asks hesitantly. He takes a quick look into Lexie's room to make sure she's still there, which she is, and then looks back at Mark.

"I don't know," Mark mumbles.

"Is Lexie having a problem?" Derek asks hesitantly.

"Well she's not seizing anymore," Mark mumbles. "She isn't awake either though, and she can't breathe."

"Why didn't someone page me sooner?" Derek asks. "Why didn't someone page me at all?"

Mark shrugs. "I don't know."

"I'm coming in, come with me," Derek says. "Up, c'mon, stop being a baby."

Derek walks in quietly, not to wake her. He can see on the heart monitor that she's still going strong, she's just sleeping, tired from the seizures. She's hooked up to so many machines; the heart monitor, the oxygen tank, the seizure monitor… Mark takes a step back and bites his lip. Derek watches him cautiously. It's a sad sight.

"I think I should take her into CT," Derek says. "I want to see that tumour, I think it might be time to reconsider surgery."

"Didn't you say surgery was risky?" Mark clarifies.

"It is risky Mark, but look where we are," Derek says, motioning to all the monitors and his sleeping sister-in-law. "Wouldn't anything be better than this at this point?"

Mark shrugs. "We'll leave the decision up to her, of course," Derek says, "But I think she'll agree with us. This isn't any way to live, she's gotta see that."

They look at the tumour on the screen in front of them. "Look at that," Derek mumbles, shaking his head.

Mark can't believe Derek's so calm, almost in awe of that monster festering inside his girlfriend's brain. "That's not a tumour, Derek, that's…"

Derek nods, "I know, and she knows too. It's grown considerably since her last scan."

"But the chemo–" Mark interrupts.

"It's stopped working," Derek nods, "Apparently."

"Did it ever work?"

Derek contemplates the question. "I think it did," he answers, "I think it did as much as it could. But now it's time for surgery."

"Do it," they both hear, the quiet statement coming through the microphone, echoing inside the CT barrel. "Do the surgery."

The look at each other and they look back at Lexie. They all know it's the right decision.

...

"Sloan, what's wrong?" Teddy asks, briefly looking up from the body open in front of them.

"Nothing's wrong," he replies, not looking up.

"You're distracted," she notes. "Is it Little Grey?"

"Little Grey is fine," Mark argues.

"Go see her," Teddy tells him. "Get Avery to take over for you, we all understand. And give her my best. She's a good kid, it's horrible what she's going through."

Mark sighs contemplatively, but he doesn't move right away. "Go!" Teddy tells him again, with a little more force. "Go get whatever time you have left with her."

Mark sighs again, ripping off his mask and tossing his gown in the bin before exiting the OR. He's off to the oncology floor, he was a fool to think he could stay away.

He forgot it was nighttime. Emergencies didn't know time, the man in OR 3's raging infection didn't know time. He hadn't realized it was almost midnight until he was in Lexie's room. He wonders if she even knows, considering it's dark and gloomy and horrible 24/7 in here.

"It gets so sad in here at night," she whispers, as if she read his mind.

Mark sits down on the bed of the bed. "It does, doesn't it?" he responds.

She nods lightly. "It's the artificial lighting," she smiles. Her voice crackles, and she sounds out of breath despite the oxygen flooding into her body through her cannula. He's still so glad she's smiling, she hasn't stopped smiling.

"I don't want to be alone tonight," Lexie tells him. "Will you stay with me?"

Mark feels something strange in her voice, something not so nice in the pit of his stomach, and it scares him. "Of course," he answers, laying down beside her.

The only noise in the room is the beeping of the heart monitor, slow but constant. Lexie looks into Mark's eyes and she smiles just a little bigger, as much as she can. She's so glad that he's here, that he's been here through all of this. "Hey, Mark," she starts, trying to sit up.

"Yeah?" Mark starts.

She slowly climbs into his arms, feeling his embrace wrap her up and swallow her whole. Then, it gets warmer, slower, quieter, darker. Everything gets warmer, slower, quieter, darker. And then– completely dark, completely quiet, completely slow, completely warm.

Mark feels the dead weight in his arms, feels her life slip away from them. And then the monitors go crazy. "Lexie?" Mark waivers, panicking. "Lexie?! Lexie!"


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N~ Last chapter! Thank you everyone so much for following me through to the end of this journey, and thank you for the feedback and love :) please don't hate me too much, and I will definitely be back with more ❤️ -Belle_

 _Part Sixteen_

Derek shuts the monitors off with a grimace. It's been a horrible night, it's been a really horrible night.

Mark sits by the bedside and cries. "I felt her die, Derek," he sobs. "She crawled into my arms and cuddled up, and…"

Derek nods. "We're very lucky the crash team got here in time, that was very close."

"Do you think she knew?" he asks quietly. "Do you think that's why she asked me to stay, do you think that's why she wanted me there, so that she didn't have to die alone?"

The question breaks Derek's heart. "Mark, she couldn't have known…"

"We don't know," Mark argues. "Maybe she… I don't know, maybe there's a sign! Maybe she heard a voice, or… Do you think she saw the light?"

Derek shakes his head. "I don't know," he contends. "If she did know though, Mark, then she wanted to die in your arms. That's a pretty special thing, don't you think?"

Mark smiles, his brief moment of happiness breaking through his sniffles. "I'd want to die in her arms too."

...

When Lexie wakes up in the morning, everyone is in her room. It's a little overwhelming; people she hasn't seen she stopped working, noise, colours, smells. She likes it though, it's what being alive should feel like.

"Hey, morning," Derek smiles. "A few people wanted to come hang out with you before your surgery today," he explains, looking around the room at all their friends. "I hate to miss the party but I've got a surgical plan to go over."

"It's okay," Lexie tells him, smiling.

"Yeah, I'm sure you've got enough people in here," Derek winks. "See you in an hour in OR 2, Little Grey."

She smiles back in response as he dashes out of the room. She isn't nervous like she was before her last surgery, she knows she's got nothing to lose this time, and she knows dying isn't scary.

"You okay?" Mark confirms quietly. "I can get everyone to leave if you'd rather be alone."

"I don't want to be alone," she tells him. "I like the company."

Mark nods. "Okay, on with the party then," he smiles.

It's nice to disguise their fear. They'll all pretend they aren't afraid of losing one of their own later with food and laughter and chatter, and it'll all be okay.

"Don't any of you have patients?" Lexie laughs at one point.

Arizona shrugs in response. "What are interns for, right? We'd all rather be here anyways."

"There's food here," Alex nods. "I'm in. Besides, you're okay company. A little quiet, but you make up for it."

She tries to laugh. "I think I speak for a lot of us when I say I'm sorry for not visiting more often," Owen speaks up. "It's a difficult reality to face, that it could just as easily be any one of us in your position. But, I don't know how many of us could face this situation with as much grace and strength as you have, and with a smile like the one that I haven't seen leave your face yet."

Cristina leans against her husband's shoulder and raises her bottle of water with a smile. "Here here," she says. "Here's to Little Grey."

"Here's to Little Grey," the room chants.

"Hey, what's goin' on in here?" they all hear. That voice could come from only one very small but very powerful woman, who was standing in the doorway. "Why wasn't I invited?"

They all giggle. Bailey walks in with a small smile on her face and takes a cupcake. "You should all get back to work," she says, not very convincingly. "I'm sure Grey needs her rest, she's got a big day."

"I do have surgery soon," Callie sighs. "It's been fun, guys. April, thanks for baking for us. Little Grey, rock on. Mark, bring me back Sofia when I'm out of surgery?"

Mark takes his daughter's floppy arm and waves it at her mom. "Bye mommy," he says. "And bye everybody."

"Thank you everyone for coming," Lexie smiles. It doesn't come out as loud as she wanted it to, but it's all she's got. "I love you guys."

"We love you too, Lexie," Arizona grins. "We'll see you soon. You getting out of surgery and being in recovery is another excuse for us all to bail on work for a morning and eat cupcakes again, we will all take it!"

Once they're all gone, it leaves Lexie with nobody but Mark and Sofia. Mark plops the baby in her lap, and she curls up on her chest, enjoying the feverish heat her stepmom was giving off. Mark smiles. _His two favourite girls_ , he thinks.

"She loves you, you know?" Mark grins.

"I love her too," Lexie smiles. Her eyes drift from the baby to her father. "I love you too," she says.

Mark's amazed at how easy that came to her. He'd pondered that sentence for so long, he didn't want to say it before he was sure, he didn't want to be rejected… He should've known. "I love you too," he responds. Surprisingly, it comes just as easy to him. It actually feels so good, like he's gotten a weight off his chest.

"I know," she smiles, so confidently. "I've always known, Mark. You may not have said it, but you didn't have to. Your actions speak louder than your words, they always have."

He's a little dumbfounded again. All this time he's made it out to be such a big deal in his head, that through this whole ordeal he hadn't told her he loved her; but somehow it did, so it appears.

He snuggles up to her and his daughter and kisses them both. "I love you," he tells Lexie again.

An intern peaks his head in. "We have to take Dr. Grey in, Dr. Sloan," he says. "I'll be back in a few minutes, I just came to say it… it might be time to say your goodbyes."

Mark nods lightly. "Thank you, Dr. Elmers."

Tears form in his eyes suddenly, reality's just set in. This might be the end, this might be it. If she dies in surgery… No, he's not entertaining that possibility. That isn't happening.

Lexie tries to sit up when she sees Mark crying. "Hey, hey, don't cry," she whispers. She keeps one hand on Sofia's back and she shakes the pulse oximeter off her finger so she can run her other hand along his face. "Don't cry. The last thing I want to see is your smile, so please don't cry."

Mark tries to honour that wish, he tries to put the tears away and pull out the smile, mostly because she's smiling. "I don't know how you do that," he tells her. "Keep that smile on your face."

"It's because of you," she says honestly.

The intern comes back in, "It's time, guys."

Mark climbs off the bed reluctantly, and Lexie gives Sofia one last squeeze before Mark takes her back. "I love you," she whispers to the baby. She looks up at Mark. "I love you," she states louder.

He goes in for the kiss, taking her by surprise, just like he'd done on New Years. "I love you," he says. It still feels so good.

"Mark?" Lexie calls, her voice wobbly as the doctors are wheeling her towards the OR. "Thanks for being my person."

Those are the five words that break him down to tears again, standing in the hallway holding his daughter. He knows she can't hear him, but he whispers his response anyways. "Then, now, and always," he whispers.

"Well, hey, Little Grey," Derek smiles.

For the first time today, she feels a pang of fear as she sees the anesthesiologist setting her up. She'd be under in no time. "Derek," she says, "Can you say it?"

"Say what, Lex?" he asks, his voice serious. He hears the urgency in her voice, he knows this is important to her.

"You know what," she smiles. "I know you don't usually say it till right before you cut but I want to hear it. I want to hear you say it."

Derek smiles. "Only for you, Little Grey," he grins, shaking his head. He looks over his OR, up into the gallery, down at his patient. "It's a beautiful day to save lives," he finally proclaims. He means it.

His sister-in-law drifts off with a small smile on her face, matching the one on his own face. He's got this.

...

"Derek," Mark calls, seeing his best friend coming towards him, still in his ferry boat scrub cap and his surgical gown. "How is she, how'd surgery go?"

Derek nods affirmatively. "Surgery went as I expected it to," he says honestly. "It wasn't easy and it did not go without it's complications, however I did it, I got the tumour out."

"All of it?!" Mark asks excitedly. "Derek, that's…"

Derek holds up his hand, stopping his friend from getting ahead of himself. "The tumour may not be the only thing I cut out," he admits. "As I said, there were complications…"

Mark's face falls instantly, but he stays silent and lets Derek continue. "There's a chance that nothing will be wrong, she'll wake up and be her old self again, no temporal lobe tumour in sight. There is a chance however that she'll wake up with neurological deficits, ranging from small to severe. Or, she may not wake up at all."

"It's just a waiting game now," Mark says, testing the phrase out. He doesn't like it. He doesn't like waiting.

Derek nods, placing a hand on his friend's back. "It's just a waiting game now," he confirms.

Mark can wait, he decides. Just like this whole experience, it wouldn't be easy, it wouldn't be fun– but it would mean something. And that would make it worth it.


End file.
